Neighbourrsss...should be there for one another......

City apartment living is such a revelation.

So many nameless people cohabitating with one another with distances of less than 10 meters between them separated by paper thin walls. Even though me and Matt are quite the social butterflies, we cannot seem to penetrate the cold, distant and lifeless facade put up by the People of Darlinghurst Apartments.

Level 15 has always been the mysterious level. Like an unattainable height the low dwellers can only aspire to move toward. I have never been up there (cause we do not have a roof terrace) and I can imagine the views of the Harbour Bridge and muted sounds of the emergency sirens. It is also a level populated by many strange denizens of Darlinghurst. There are always funny characters being buzzed up to that level, many resembling drug addicts and pushers of Pacific Islander appearance. You know, big, burly, strong and tattooed, and thats just the women. It is now know as the official drug level, where anyone who lives on that level is automatically associated with the drug industry and would earn disapproving stares from me. I'm sure if they did a Border Security style swab on the level 15 button, it will give a massive reading of barbiturates and amphetamines.

Then there are those weird residents who jump into the lift and press "Door Close" the minute you walk through the front door. WTF? Are you going to starting rotting and disintegrating just because you wait an extra 6 half seconds? The worst offenders are those who try to make the door close faster by jabbing the sign repeatedly.

Excuse me....I can hear your fat fingers squishing against the button, and you are killing the lift, and it is not gonna make the door close faster......

I have devised a perfect solution to this behaviour. Now when I see residents hurriedly running into the lift, I will sprint across the lobby, wait till the lift is almost closed, then press it. As the door re-opens, I will stare straight into the passengers' eyes, and then strut in like a peacock. This usually has an effect of making them cower into the corner. But wait, I'm not done yet......I will beep my security key, press my level, then repeatedly jab the "Door Close" button with my muscular finger. This usually has the effect of reducing them to tears.

Recently, I've noticed an influx of new residents who work from home. Yeah, you know the ones. They wait outside the building for someone. He arrives, they go up to the apartment, close the door behind them and complete the transaction within the hour. The building needs to be renamed The Park Bordello. Hmmm...actually sounds quite classy......

Came a cross a hilarious one this morning. I walked into the lift going to work to be confronted by a rough looking well built guy with his menacing Ray Bans and well maintained designer goatee. I instinctively moved to the back of the lift as he began rummaging through his bag for his iPOD. As he put his earphones on, he accidentally hit the play button. And the following words came blaring out of his acoustically enhanced earphones.....

"REACH FOR THE STARS! CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN HIGHER!

REACH FOR THE STARS! FOLLOW YOUR HEARTS DESIRE!"

OK.....S Club 7 fan, I see. Now lets see you prancing down the street to that song.......

There are only 2 perfect residents in that apartment block.