Marry Me, Mon Ami!

Something surreal happened to me this week.

My ex-boss at the sausage factory recommended me to train the workers at his friend's food factory and I accepted the job. It was good money, about $700 over 2 days, 3 hour sessions. That averages to about $100 per hour. Now, this factory is a family run business, and the training went pretty smoothly....until the Boss's wife found out that I am "single", i.e. not married.

"MARTYN, YOU ARE SINGLE??!!"

Then it began. I was cornered and harassed by the wife about

1. my interests (Kylie, Madonna, Cher)
2. what type of girls I like (ones with heavy makeup and wigs)
3. my family history (descendant of the seventh Emperor of China)
4. my educational level (strange they didn't ask me that before allowing me to train their workers)

The bombshell was then dropped.

"I must introduce you to my daaaughterrrr!!!!"

I almost choked on my tea.

And boy, she was PERSISTENT!

FOUR times throughout the six hours I spent with her, she was telling me about her daughter's life story. How the daughter had worked in the family business her whole life, and recently decided to go work outside to meet more men (huh??!!! Haven't they heard of Adult Matchmaker.com.au?). Her daughter is apparently shy and like Asians (opps, wrong race for me!). Her younger daughter (who is married) has been teasing her older sister and asking her to go out and look for a husband (if she was my sister, she would have a very sore face).

What is it with Chinese Indonesian families? I've had a few Indonesian friends who've told me this is the norm in their culture. When a girl passes her marrying age (mid 20s I think), everyone starts chipping in to find her a husband, akin to the specials COLES offer for their meat two days prior to their Use by Date. I felt like I've been transported back in the 1940s, where the parents arrange your wedding and where you actually fuck on your first date (which coincidentally is also your wedding night). Even the workers I was training got in on the act, nudging my shoulders while singing praises of how beautiful the daughter was (you could tell who the ass kissers were in the group).

Even if I was physically able to marry this girl, I wouldn't even contemplate touching the idea with a ten foot pole. Firstly, I've had enough of family businesses, having survived one for four years. Secondly, this family is really traditional, where the patriarch of the family makes all the decisions. I realised this when I had a meeting with the board prior to my training, where everyone had brilliant ideas about what should be taught, but always ended the idea with the statement "Of course, only if Anton (the boss) agrees" Can you imagine me running to my father in law everyday to seek approval for the most mundane decisions, like what type of toilet paper to order? Oh yes, did I mention that the women rarely spoke during the meetings? They made good teas and coffees though.

So you can understand my relief when I finally finished the training and was ready to pack up and go. During the exit meeting with the boss's wife, she made this proposal.

"Martyn, regarding the payment, we can pay you by cash or cheque. Since you live in the city, maybe I can meet you and pass you the money somewhere convenient for you."

That was nice, I thought...cash would be good....

Then came the catch.

"I will bring my daughter then maybe you can go for lunch or dinner with her. Only if you like."

I immediately scribbled down my bank account number and explained to her the benefits of Internet banking.