Chitty Chatty Boing Boing

Friends Part 1 : Annie Penny

2011-10-09T01:25:00.004+08:00

Annie Penny

Annie Penny has been residing in Singapore for about 15 years now. I knew her from one of Matty's friends who now lives in Melbourne. She was inconspiciously introduced to us one Thursday night when the Melbourne friend was visiting Singapore for work. That night, I wasn't in the most sociable mood and then this matured lady friend of theirs was thrust into our consciousness. However, in a drastic turn of events, I kid you not, in a matter of 15 minutes, we were chatting like we've known each other for 15 years. Annie is of Danish descent, working here in Singapore as an English teacher, has the coolest ever shophouse as home and a crazy personality to match. Looking at her, I can't believe I have a friend who's probably only 5 years younger than my mum . You know sometimes how you meet someone and immediately you know they will be friends for life. Annie is one of these friends. From her seemingly award winning house decorations to her wise cracking adnedotes, Annie is one crazy auntie I will treasure for a long long time.

Weekends cannot be more perfect than catching up with Annie at her apartment. Even if you only bring 1 bottle of wine, the evening will always turn out fantastic, with fascinating chats, movie screenings of all possible genres and 1 shot of Annie's Poison which will render you unconscious for the next day (I cannot reveal what Annie's Poison is, you have to experience it for yourself). If there is only one reason why I would keep her as a friend, its the amazing pesto that she makes which she serves up on a regular basis with country styled bread toasted to perfection.

Thank you Annie for being my friend and keeping my mind in constant motion.

I Stand Corrected a.k.a Retribution

2011-09-21T21:59:00.005+08:00

ok, ok, after my "controversial" (as one of my commentators put it) post last week, I found myself at the receiving end of what I thought was a good idea to just speak your mind.

I attended a conference yesterday in all of my well suited debonair looks. I was after all, in the midst of some very important people and thought that I should look the part. So out came my Japanese cut suit which only sees light of day for those very special occasions. With a splatter of hair gel on my head and a misty spray of Cool Water eau de cologne, I was so positively reeking of self confidence and charm I was sure I would set off the fire alarms the minute I walk into the conference hall. The morning session went well, the talks were good and I was networking my way to presidency.

Then came lunch and it was all downhill from there. It was a standing buffet lunch and the food was so so. What really mattered in that 1 hour was the number of people I could give out my name card to. Whilst eating at one of the standing tables with my boss, a young petite lady joined us at the table. Customary exchanges were made and I found out she was working for a major Japanese restaurant chain in Singapore. But when she started speaking, she sounded more like she worked for a slaughterhouse. In fact, it was my boss who started the chain of events leading to my loss of ego.

Boss : "I'm gonna have get some coffee, you want some tea Martyn?"

Me : "No, I'm ok?"

Boss : "Why? You always have tea in the office...."

Me : "Nah, not today. I'm wearing a suit and if I have anything hotter than my body temperature, I'm liable to break out in sweat!hahah!"

Slaughterhouse Lass : "Oh, why? I'm actually finding it quite cold here..."

Boss : " He is different, his body temperature is probably 10oC higher than an average person."

Slaughterhouse Lass : "Oh I know your kind. I have friends like that. And I think that's why he has so little hair on his head....And you seem to be having the same problem!"

"Problem...problem...problem...problem...." those words resonated at a thousand decibels in my mind.....I felt like all my 64 buttons on me were being pushed at the same time...

Me : " Well, I blame my parents for that!"(which of course you smart readers would understand I was referring to the hereditary nature of my thinning hairline)

Slaughterhouse lass : " Oh why! You shouldn't blame your parents. They gave birth to you!"

Boss : "......"

Slaughterhouse lass : "Hey, there's my friend! Cheng, come over here! What was that hair regrowth product you were using that was really good?

It was at this point that I felt my temperatures rising and the selective hearing walls closing up my ears.

This was all I got out of my next 15 minutes of conversation with her.

"and..of course.....you.....ok....he...good...bye.."

Good, my selective hearing ear walls are still in good working condition.

So, honesty may not necessarily be the best policy.....

Lifting The Veil of Political Correctness

2011-09-11T14:16:00.002+08:00

You know how since we were young, we've been conditioned on how to behave, what to speak and when to speak it? With rules piling upon us each year we are growing up, its no wonder why people are finding it more frustrating having to live within these rules, with tolerance level going down and fuses lit whenever someone does or says something that they are not supposed to.

What if there was a day when we can have political correctness thrown out the window? When people can say what they really think and not get into trouble for it? When people learn to be tolerant of others and their views? Whatever's been said, are, afterall, only words. Its your mind and your reaction that makes the words mean more than they really should...

This is how my day of un-political correctness would pan out...

Scenario : Getting the lift down with my neighbour and her daughter.

What I would say : "Its shitty having to go to work huh? Not that we have much of a choice, need the money to pay for housing and food. You're lucky, you have a daughter, if you really get into dire straits, she would work as a social escort and solve all your money issues. Me, pfftt..nothing..would sell my ass if it wasn't illegal in this country!"

Scenario : Squeezing into the trains on way to work

What I would say : "Hey you Indians, you should be in the last carriage with the cattle. This carriage is for Singaporeans. And auntie, stop staring at me because I accidentally brushed my hand against your bum. If there was you and a goat left in this universe, I would still go for the goat. And sweaty tall guy, you should invest in some deodorant and consider holding the pole at a lower position."

Scenario : Female colleagues chatting about their bargains they've gotten from some sale last week.

What I would say : "How much did you say you saved on that skirt? Really? I love it! It really accentuates your bum. It now looks as big as it should. I cannot stand people who hide their real self behind their clothes."

Scenario : Boss giving some suggestions on certain projects.

What I would say : "What bullshit are you suggesting? Do you even know what we are doing here? Please go read up on the project before getting your grimy little fingers in my pie!"

Scenario : Plus size colleague beginning to eat a double big Mac with up sized cheese fries and Coke.

What I would say : " I could get a heart attack just looking at that meal..."

See? Don't you already feel more tolerant just reading about the possibilities this un-PC day could bring should it come to fruition?

Sudden Repulsion

2011-09-04T21:28:00.003+08:00

This is gonna be a short one.

Don't know why but am in a foul foul mood this evening. Questions keep popping up in my head.

What am I doing here?

Why can't I walk away from my work, spending half my weekends on silly projects that never seem to materialise?

When is this fucking cough and sore throat going away?

Why are people in the trains rooted to that one single position? Will death ensue if they move their trunks just 5 cm further in?

Why hasn't Matt called?

Why has my nephew, who is usually such an angel, decide that he wanted to test his operatic lungs the minute he entered our house today?

Why am I here enduring this stoopid weather when I should be in Syndey enjoying 23 deg afternoons in the park?

Why do I have to work tomorrow?

Why is the shopping centre so fucking crowded, and when will Singaporeans ever learn to walk in straight lines?

Why is my work notebook so heavy?

When will this failing body allow me to step into the gym again?

Where is this headache coming from?

Why does the train smell like curry?

I am so so exhausted...I just wanna leave....

Scenes from a train 12 am

2011-08-21T00:50:00.006+08:00

Eight observations tonight on a train home at 12 midnight.

1. Boyish guy aged approximately 23. Constantly pressing his screen in quick sucession.

Boyish guy :"Hello Darren baby, am a bit late tonight, got too involved in conversations and went pass my 2 hours that I promised I would be back by...so sorry...forgive me ok?"

2. Straight boy with girlfriend, bodies sliding up against each other, talking within kissing distance.

Boy : " I have so gotten you in my clutches, you will give me your virginity tonight. Thereafter, I will so dump you for the next hottest girl that crosses my path..."

Girl : " I love you so much..."

3. Uncle sitting opposite me, ring on marriage finger, Louie Vuitton manbag beside him.
Uncle : "How can I slip into my bed tonight next to my wife knowing I have just fucked the most gorgeous guy on the planet? "

4. Auntie standing next to my seat, carrying a plastic bag full of empty aluminum drink cans.
Auntie : "Dunno how much I can get from these cans...I've already paid $0.60 for this trip. Was it worth it?"

5 and 6. Married couple with baby in pram in front of me.
Husband : "Its been a bloody long day, hope I don't have to do this next week...wonder how my mahjong khakis are doing....?"

Wife : " Its been such a long time since we've come out like this for a family outing, I wonder if he's free next week?"

7. Tired foreign worker looking guy sitting on the reserved seat.
Tired looking guy : "ZZzzz...."

8. Me : "I miss him so much."

8 observations.
8 different worlds.

Playing Me Out

2011-08-19T22:51:00.002+08:00

Just came back from watching one of the simplest, non artsy fartsy play which I enjoyed thoroughly.

The play revolved around a Christian family in Singapore with a dad, mum and 2 boys living simple and honest lives in a government flat. Mum is a housewife, dad works for the government and the 2 boys are in school, one in high school, the other an undergraduate in a local university.

Seems simple enough? Well, life is never what it seems, is it? Whilst watching a documentary, the TV started having some issues with its reception and mummy passes a clothes hanger to the undergrad son to stick into the cable hole to fix it. Now, I've always been taught never to stick hard objects into live holes because accidents are bound to happen. Before we know it, the undergrad son is lying motionless on the floor, another victim of ignorance and electrocution.

A year later, on the anniversary, doorbell rings and in walks Daniel, who reluctantly admits his secret relationship with Joseph, the "perfect" deceased son.

Brother : "THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TARNISHING THE MEMORY OF MY BROTHER!ON HIS ANNIVERSARY TOO! YOU'VE JUST MADE HIM DIE ALL OVER AGAIN! HE'S NOW IN HELL, ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!
Mother : "MY SON IS NOT GAY! YOU ARE LYING!GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"
Father : "YOU....HAI YAH......"

What ensued was a series of heated exchanges between family members, Daniel and omnipresent Joseph, who appears to be enjoying the drama unfolding before his eyes. As the play rolled along, we discover the complexity of the relationship each family member had with Joseph, and surprisingly, it was the quiet dad who finally brings peace to the house through his acceptance of the relationship. We were also slowly lead on to the reason why Daniel came to the house, because of the promise he made to Joseph the night before he died, that if he couldn't come out to his parents, Daniel would do it on his behalf. And with a wicked twist of fate, the night Joseph stuck the clothes hanger into the TV was the night he was going to come clean to his parents about his sexuality and Daniel. And true to his promise, Daniel finally took the plunge, albeit a year later.

What I loved about the play was its ability to present a very real situation facing many Asian families when it comes to sexuality in a humorous yet touching manner, minus the cheese and victimisation apparent in many plays, musicals and movies dealing with this subject matter. Whilst it had a happy ending, the last scene revealed that the scenes which had just been played out, including the happy ending was only what Joseph had imagined as a spirit. The play ended with scene one where Daniel pressed on the doorbell, for real this time.

Wow....perhaps a little too close to heart......

Teardrops rating : 4 out of 5 shot glasses. I hope this review did justice to the play.

http://www.mansingaporetheatrefestival.com/play/family-outing/

BTW : Joel Tan, the writer of this play was only 22 when he wrote this and is still in the midst of completing his studies at the National University of Singapore.

Listen to me, you bitch....

2011-08-15T22:11:00.003+08:00

I had a fantastic company sponsored dinner tonight of chilli crab, scallops, cereal prawn, 2 layered tofu and 2 jugs of beer (engulfed mostly by 2 people on a table of 6, love having dinner with non-drinkers). And as I was walking home from the drop off spot my colleague left me at, I heard a commotion akin to a divorcing couple fighting over their property and children.

Man : "Stop, don't you run away from me!"

Man : "I feed you, I put a roof over your head, I spend so much money making you look pretty, and all you ever do is wonder off leaving me me to search high and low for you!"

Man : "If you run away, don't ever come running back to me, cause I am gonna shut the door in your face, and you can go hang out with your bloody wild friends!!"

Man :"Can you just stop running, I am fucking running out of breath and I am really going to stop right now and turn back. "

Man : " IF YOU DON'T COME BACK NOW, I WILL COME UP AND GRAB YOUR HAIR SO HARD AND MAKE YOU SCREAM SO LOUD SOMEONE WILL CALL THE POLICE!"

Bitch : "Grrr...woof! Wofff...wooooffff.....!!!!!"

Someone please call RSPCA.....

Note : 7 minute blog, so next blog i have 13 minutes, yay!!!!

Nostalgic offerings

2011-08-14T15:43:00.003+08:00

We're right in the middle of the Chinese 7th Lunar Month, also known as the Hungry Ghost Festival in this part of the world. According to tradition, the Gates of Hell would open up during this month, unleashing all hungry ghosts to roam Earth for their one month holiday. If it could be visualised, I would assume the scene would be pretty much like Boxing Day sales at David Jones, except these ghosts aren't after any 50% off items. They want food!! Inevitably, every Chinese family would be roped into the "festivities". The point is not whether you believe that these ghosts are actually around, but its more for keeping to the tradition of showing respect for the memory of one's deceased relatives and friends.

A typical day starts with Mum cooking up a storm in the kitchen. For food offerings, the unwritten rules states you must have chicken, duck, roast pork, rice, soup, vegetables, fruits, tea, sweetbuns, sweet cookies and rice wine. Not that my dad or grandparents ever drank rice wine, but that's just the way it has to be. Would you risk offending the ghosts during this month? Probably not. As she ages a little more each year, she has finally given in to cheating with some of the food items by buying them from the shops instead of attempting to prepare them all from scratch.

For the non food items, we need red candles, large incense, small incense + paper offering in 5 varieties.

All these have to be carried (we trolleyed it) from our home to the temple nearby (10 minutes walk) and set up according to a fixed formation on the tables (see pic below) and the spirits have to be invited to feast on the preparations.

This was downloaded from the internet, not the actual photo taken during our offering. The Chinese are superstitious about taking photos of offerings for fear of capturing unwanted images..

The temple itself would be a hub of activities, with monks chanting, paper offerings burning, elderly people sitting together chatting, rows and rows of food and paper offerings.

Amidst the suffocating smoke and loud chatter in the temple, I wonder if all these activities are an act of respect, or is it an indication of attachment and unwillingness to let go of the past?

Little People

2011-08-06T23:45:00.003+08:00

I just came back from a housewarming party at one of the most beautiful houses I've been to.

Balinese styled jacuzzi next to a fully equipped entertainment area, great food and company, what better way to spend a Saturday evening....i am digressing, let's get back to the subject matter....

Little people are a funny lot. They can hate you one minute and be your best friend the next...that was what i experienced with my good friend's daughter for the last few months.

Lets call her C. C isn't a typical child. She is loud, abrasive and hyperactive one minute, quiet and reserved the next. As much as I tried all the child pleasing techniques with her, some of my efforts have ended up disastrous. Take for example 4 months ago when C made an appearance at my office, being the "cool" uncle I thought I was, I picked up a cushion shaped after Doraemon and placed it over my head, hoping to delight her with a cartoon character whom I thought she would find cute.

Boy I've never been so wrong in my life! She screamed at a child's highest ever octave possible and ran with lightning speed towards her mummy, tears streaming down her tensed up cheeks.

Ultimate fail.

Thereafter, every time I was invited to a function where both of us would be in the same room, she would automatically develop X-ray vision whenever she saw me, looking through me as though I was a fat sheet of air. I have been kindly advised by the parents to do the same to her, so as not to make her too nervous that she can't enjoy the company of other people around her. I accepted that and thought this was what it was gonna be like for the rest of our lives.

Yet tonight, there was a breakthrough. She did her X-ray thing when I first appeared, but she seemed a tad more comfortable around me. I could sense that and decided maybe it was time to mend our burnt bridges. Through my observation, I could see she was inching closer and closer to me and was trying to make conversation. I took my chances and said "Hi" to her once, thinking if she ran off after that then I would stop trying. She didn't. Instead, she passed me a slab of Play Doh. I asked her what would she like me to make out of that. She said "Make me a pizza."

Geez, I've never felt so nervous, not even comparable to when I have to do a job interview. I gathered all my creative juices and tried to make the best looking pizza ever.

2 minutes later, I presented her my work.

C : "Very nice Uncle Martyn, I like it very much. Let me show Mummy!"

Me : "So, C, can Uncle Martyn come over for a swim some other day? I really like your pool!"

C : " Sure! Come!"

Little people are a funny lot, aren't they?

Imagination

2011-08-06T00:00:00.003+08:00

Just had my bottle of wine, so my imagination is flying...

If I was granted a wish tonight to transfer my life to anywhere else in the world, where would I be?

Come on this little journey in my intoxicated mind.

"Beep! Beep! Beep! The alarm clock screams incessantly as I reached out my lazy arms to hug my absolute favourite person in this world lying next to me...a certain Lyons who has moved halfway around the world to be with me. 5 am, the clock read as I rubbed the last bits of sleep off my dreary eyes to embrace another day in this perfect life of mine. I need to really wake up now, otherwise the delivery truck carrying all the produce I have ordered for the next 2 days will be really pissed at me! As I tear myself away from my warm bed, Lyons beings to stir, signalling the dissolution of the last remnants of his dreams. Pacing through my morning ritual of shittin, shavin and showering like a seasoned pro, I proceeded to wolf down my breakfast of kaya (coconut jam) toast and Teh C, my only reminder of the typical breakfast I used to have in my hometown. Kissing Lyons on the forehead just before I walk out the door, I wondered what I have done in my last life to deserve this picture perfect lifestyle unfolding right in front of me.

I am Martyn Wong, sole proprietor of a wildly successful Asian styled cafe chain raking in annual profits in excess of $20 million a year. With nary a worry about where I will be having my next meal, if I'll be able to pay off my next credit card bill or not owning any property at my age (I have 5 properties, 3 of which have been fully paid off).

As I pore over offers to expand my operations into Singapore, Malaysia and Thailand, someone opens my door....

In walks Matthew Lyons, Director of Marketing, with two packed lunches, one in each hand.
" Fried Kway Teow for lunch?" he asks....

Can life get better than a fried kway teow lunch paired with cask Chardonnay overlooking the Golden Gate Bridge?"

I can dream, can't I?

Uh oh....

2011-08-04T23:01:00.003+08:00

One week and no updates??!!! How could you do this to your beloved fans, Grandmaster!! *Slaps own face twice...hard...*

This is one of those blog entries which I have come totally unprepared!!Not really sure what to write tonight, so hopefully within the next 2 sentences, something will come to mind...

*1 minute ticks by, and nothing...*

This weekend, I am invited to one of my dear friend (and colleague)Yuly's housewarming dinner. It is a potluck dinner and I have been obsessing what to cook for the last 2 weeks. At first, inspired by my viewing of Heston Blumental's series last month, I wanted to do a trio of starters which played with people's minds. Through my extensive research on the net, I found three recipes which I thought I might be able to pull off.

1. Lambshank Cupcake (braised lamb shanks baked into the shape of a cupcake using breadcrumbs and egg topped with faux pink icing made from potato mash coloured with roast beetroot)

2. Bottled Warm Milk (Creamy cauliflower soup filled into glass bottles and capped)

3. Faux tuna sashimi (compressed watermelon with feta cheese and mint)

Sounds interesting eh? Except I thought it might be too difficult to convince the audience to try it. I might save it for another special occasion.

I will settle with the simpler option of doing grilled prawns and avocado salsa and the watermelon feta cheese mint salad in its original uncompressed form...

Will post photos here if I manage to capture them before they are gone....

Crowded

2011-07-28T22:39:00.004+08:00

I take the train to work everyday. That is a curse that I have to live with for as long as I am living here in Singapore. Because Singapore is quite well connected by public transport, almost everyone takes trains or buses to work everyday. Give me a bus any day, cause the trains here are shit jam cramped packed!Every inch of space is taken up, and the shorties are condemned to armpit heights of the taller people.

There are two main reasons why it is such a drag to get to work on the train. Firstly, my train station had to be special and was designed such that the entrance falls on the opposite side of most other stations. How does this affect me, you ask? Just imagine, as the train gets more and crowded from people coming in on 1 side, people tend to move towards the side of the door that is not opening. 6-7 stations later, when it comes to my station, the door opens and people are already jammed packed on my side. Which leaves me with about a 2 square centimeters standing space to squeeze into. Which I do. Pushed through with the ferocity of a Dragon forward. Just to gain my ground. To get to work. My life is such.

2nd reason is I always get lumped together with Singapore's most inconsiderate packed train travellers.

Specimen 1 : Guy with HUGE backpack not taking it off his back and in the process taking up 2 passenger space whilst only paying for one.

Specimen 2 : Guy with no backbone who feels the need to rest his spine against the only holding pole where a packed cabin of 50 passengers need to hold on to for some stability (Matt has formulated the best holding position for this situation. First find some space on the pole near the offender's head which you can hold on to. Secondly, while holding on to the pole, try to hold onto a few strands of the offender's hair and wrap your fingers together with the hair tightly around the pole. Thirdly, wait for offender to alight.)

Specimen 3 : People sitting in reserved seats who automatically fall asleep when train doors open to avoid eye contact with frail old ladies who have no poles to stabilise themselves against due to the spineless creatures leaning against them.

Really looking forward to my next train trip in 8 hours time.....

Cruising For A Bruising

2011-07-25T13:53:00.001+08:00

Last Thursday, I went to a public pool for a swim. I've been trying to pick my game up again for my physical fitness now that I am carrying an excess of 8 kilos since I came back to Singapore 2 half years ago. Nothing exciting to report during my 20 laps but the issue started when I walked into the changeroom.

The changeroom had long benches with hooks extending along the top of each bench for you to hang your clothes from. It was quite crowded, about 4-5 people in there and as I walked past a few to find my position, I noticed a middle aged guy standing there staring at everyone coming through the door. He was totally nude with his genitalia in full view of everyone walking pass there. That itself would have been fine if not for the fact that he was side glancing at people who were showering and he wasn't actually in the midst of taking his clothes off or putting any on!

He was cruising. Blatantly. In a cocksure manner. Disgusting.

Now if this was a sex on premise area, it would have been ok (not that I am an advocate for casual sex or anything), but this was a public pool with the possiblity of children coming in for a shower or clothes change. How would that look?

Feeling damn uncomfortable, I of course closed the door to my shower stall. I just went about my showering as per normal and decided for my modesty, I would put my boxers on before I came out of the cubicle. As I opened the door, THERE HE WAS...staring me up and down, with even a tinge of disappointment that I had my boxers on...

That was when I felt really uncomfortable and I even got a tad angry. I slammed my toiletries bag on the bench, grabbed my tshirt and pulled it over my head while muttering "can't even fucking shower here in peace!" and stamped angrily out of the change room. The whole change room went quiet.

As I was walking towards the train station after leaving the swiming pool, I suddenly felt a sense of compassion for the cruiser. True, what he did was not quite appropriate. But being the middle aged person he is, he probably never got a chance to come out, or have a community of like minded individuals supporting him and letting him know the feeling he has for someone of his gender is not wrong or disgusting. He probably had to marry someone he never liked just to have kids with her.To carry on the family lineage. As his lust for sexual pleasure with other men continues to consume him he may end up one day being bashed while cruising the wrong crowd or hauled to court for sexual misconduct. End up in jail and ruin his life.

All because he never got the chance to be who he really is.

That person could have been me. I'm so glad its not.

(confession:this post took me 15 minutes to type)

My First 10 minutes starts now!

2011-07-22T19:45:00.002+08:00

Welcome all back to my blog! Yes I have started again but this time it will be different. I will attempt to put my writing out there more often by imposing a compulsory 10 minute blog at least 3 times a week. Because of the nature of this blog, there will be loads of typo, but you should get the gist of what I am writing. Hopefully, I will be able to keep this up, but with the advent of technology, I will now be able to write on my way home. But you will be able to tell if it has been written on my mobile or computer, cos the mobile ones will be short short short!

Not a good day today. Its the first Friday I am spending on my own since Matt left for Oz. I can't say I am dying, but there is a certain emptiness that goes on inside my mind which I sometimes fill with anger. Take for example today, where I must have been the grumpiest I've ever been since a long long time. (5mins left). I had to present some of my developed food products to a client and they were all rejected outright. This was after I've spent about 2 weeks conceptualising and finetuning it. Now its back to the drawing board and my ego does take a battering. Thereafter, I proceeded to take it out on my many beautiful colleagues who were chatting loudly in the pantry by asking them to quieten down without giving them a reason. Then I semi-shouted at my assistant (I was having a Devil Prada moment) to get some things right...all in all, I was a cunt today and it drained all my energy away...I think its much easier being nice....(damn beeping stopwatch!)

Well, at least the weekend is here...all I need to do is to get through another 2 "urgent" (by my boss's standards) reports and I should be able to enjoy what's left of it. Until my next blog...seeya guys...hope you enjoy this new method of blogin (10 minutes up)

The Outbreak Part 2

2010-10-20T13:39:00.001+08:00

The tuna sandwich looked ok. I ate the deep fried one first, which tasted ok, only I had oil dribbling down the corners of my mouth which I cleaned up easily enough with the super absorbent tissue from the café. I offered Matt some, which he politely rejected. I then tasted the fresh version and it was horrendous. Yucks! The bread was dry, the crust was tough and the tuna mayo filling tasted sourish. I had 2 bites but could not continue anymore.
We quickly asked for the bill and paid just as quickly. We even got a goodbye wave from the shoeless waitress. “Phew!” we thought. “At least we’re out of there safe!”….so we thought…..
The following chain of events then unfolded and they were detailed in chronological order for your ease of understanding.
10:30pm : Fell asleep on hotel bed while reading a book.
8am : Woke up, showered, washed my face, brushed my teeth and did a dump. Excrement was watery, but no abdominal pain whatsoever. Strange, but no pain must mean everything’s ok yeah?
9am : Went for complimentary hotel breakfast. Ate 2 teaspoons of fried rice, a cup of tea and 2 crackers. Saw a fly regurgitating on a slice of watermelon amongst the fruit platter and decided I needed to leave this country straight away.
10:30am : checked out of hotel and taxi-ed to City Square mall where Matt wanted to get a few more items.
12pm : Finally arrived in Singapore and felt total relief.
12:45pm : Went to food court in Toa Payoh as we did not get much to eat during breakfast. Ordered some fishball noodles. Consumed 2 strands of noodles and 1 fishball.
2pm : reached home, unpacked and had a snooze.
2:15pm : woke up for water. Difficulty in getting to sleep
2:30pm : woke up
3:30pm : woke up
4pm : felt feverish, took some Panadol
5pm : took temperature – 37.8 degrees C.
6:30pm : Decided not to force myself to sleep anymore. Stomach started bloating
7:30pm : Gas in stomach not dissipating, had to move around every 20 minutes to burp or fart for abdominal pressure relief.
8pm : Went with Matt to 24 hour clinic. Was given 4 kinds of medicine and charged $70. “Its probably a minor case of food poisoning” the brilliant doctor diagnosed.
9pm – 2 am : could not sleep, standing up every 20 minutes to reduce pressure in stomach. Medication not working.
2:20am : Admitted into Accidents and Emergency Department at Tan Tock Seng Hospital.
There you have it, a blow by blow account of events leading up to my first every HOSPITALISATION!

I must say the hospital staff and doctors did a great job in taking care of me. I was put on drip, given a cocktail of drugs, X-rayed etc etc…After the x-ray, the doctor came up to me, patted me on my hand and told me “ Don’t worry, but….”. That was when my blood pressure started shooting up. “The X-ray showed inactivity in your intestines and some inflation. We suspect there might be a blockage. Therefore, we have to keep you in here for observation, between 24 hours and 5 days. And if the problem doesn’t clear itself out, we may have to operate on you immediately. But don’t worry ok?”
“Ok doctor, I will stop worrying as soon as you order in that shot of elephant tranquilizer.”

And there I was, totally helpless. I did not inform Matt I was admitting myself into the hospital as I knew he would be waiting there for 4 to 5 hours while they did their tests and diagnosis. My brother came in with me instead and I do have to send my appreciation to him as he literally stood by my side (no chairs in ER) throughout the 5 hours.

I was transferred to the ward at 9am. The bloating has not yet subsided by then and I was still in great discomfort. But as least I knew I was being taken care of. As much as I tried to get some sleep, I was constantly probed and prodded by the nurses for my temperature, blood pressure, drip consumption etc. At one point about 12pm on Sunday, my temperature spiked up to 41degrees C. Funnily enough, about 4 hours after that, I began to sweat profusely, wetting my bed in the process (with sweat lah, not pee). Right after I changed out of my wet clothes, I felt perfectly fine, a 100%. Just like that! Appetite came back (means I’m eating like a pig again) and I was chomping down hospital grub, which contrary to popular belief was actually quite decent. Its either that or the hunger messing with my brain. And you had a choice from the menu too!

They kept me in for another night and the next day, I was discharged at 12pm. Whistling my way down the elevator, the door opened up to reveal a familiar face of the person I wanted to see most after my 2 night ordeal.

And guess what was the first thing he said to me?

“Hey, where do you want to go for lunch?”

The Outbreak Part 1

2010-10-17T17:02:00.006+08:00

This happened about a month ago, but I still feel this is relevant enough for me to blog about. Everyone has had a first time, and I shall now proceed to write about mine in graphic detail. Warning, this blog entry may not be for everyone, and I shall not be responsible for any incidences of nausea, fever, malaise or watery diarrhoea while reading this.

The day started off happily enough. Woke Matt and myself up at 7:30am to prepare to cross the border into Johor Bahru, Singapore's neighbouring town, to enjoy a bit of shopping and cheap food, thanks to the fantastic exchange rate of 1 Singapore dollar to 2.20 Malaysian ringgit. As we made our way to the MRT train station, a fuzzy feeling of contentment enveloped me as I thought of the fabulous and economical overnight we were gearing ourselves up for having managed to book a 4 star hotel room for S$100 about 2 weeks before. Now for those of you who have never been to JB, its a bit like Singapore, except its development seemed to have stunted since the 80s. That said, the food and entertainment prices are also equivalent to the 80s in Singapore and coupled with the fantastic exchange rate, meant huge savings for struggling pheasants like Matt and myself. The first half of the day was pretty nice, lots of shopping, walking, eating, shopping and eating. And yes, of course there was bookshop parking by Matt as well, being the serial bookworm that he is.

As night fell, we retreated into the hotel (which was nice enough, 70% similar to the photo shopped pictures shown on their website) with a few beers to chat the night away. After about 2 beers each at about 9pm, we got bored, a bit peckish and decided to explore the nice cafe we saw on our way into the hotel. Now, this cafe was a branch of a popular chain of cafes I frequented in JB City Square, a large crowded shopping complex right next to the Malaysian Immigration border. So I thought this cafe will probably be alright. Boy, was I totally wrong!

When we entered the cafe, there were no other customers. Suddenly, from some unseen corner, 2 waitresses shot out and greeted us, leading us to our table. Matt proceeded to order a fried rice, and me, some soup noodles. Being a very greedy person that you all know I can be, I decided to order an interesting tuna sandwich, half of which was deep fried and the other half fresh.

This was when the crazy stuff started happening. As soon as we put in our order, another waitress started mopping the floor right next to us. I could have sworn the floor detergent she was using was also used as a chemical weapon for War World 2. I had to tell her to stop as it was killing both my sense of smell and my appetite. She did as told, but by then, the poisonous fumes had already maimed my nasal passages.

After 10 minutes, the same waitress who took our orders happily pranced to our table like a little pixie with our food. Under normal circumstances, I would have given her full marks for enthusiasm. But she seemed oblivious to the fact that she was carrying a bowl of hot, scalding soup which could have caused 3rd degree burns to my upper torso. I could only heave a sigh of relief when she finally placed the wobbly bowl down on the table (without spilling a drop too, she is truly professional at this). As she turned around to welcome another unsuspecting couple into the cafe, I noticed something which horrified me....

SHE HAD NO SHOES ON!!!!

Aside from breaking all hygiene codes, she could also be endangering herself and her customers by

stepping on broken glass shards while walking into the kitchen to bring out orders.
slipping on remnants of World War 2 chemical weapons left over on the floor and spilling hot soup onto her customer's upper torso.
getting stepped on her toes by other customers and spilling hot soup onto her customer's upper torso.
increasing the lethality of the World War 2 chemical weapon through combination of the secretions off the soles of her bare feet.

I looked at Matt, he shot a look back at me and we gave each other a "lets get the hell hell out of here" look. That was when I realised that my tuna sandwich had not yet arrived. I then made the fatal mistake of asking about the order. Miss Barefoot then went into the kitchen with the grumpiest face and reappeared 3 minutes later.

To be continued.......

Comments....I never knew you existed....

2010-10-08T19:50:00.002+08:00

Fucking hell, I just realised that there is a comments section that I haven't discovered and I've only started reading comments I haven't seen before....right back up to July 2009!!!

I finally realised that I'm actually more popular than I think I am....damn....feel like I'm a celebrity in the closet!!!

Anyways, thanks to all your well wishes, from the months that I've left Australia to the most recent epic of someone moving to Singapore!

Things have been going really good, albeit the occasional roller coasters along the way. As I usually say, if things go down, they can only go up after that. The same goes for when you're on a high, things will only go downhill from there....so what ever it is, as long as you've got your seat belt on, its fine...and I know you've got a bloody tight seat belt Sharon, otherwise, you would have been on a downward spiral since you've left Australia...for that I salute you and you are truly my inspiration!

Just had a couple of glasses of wine so am a bit slow with my bitchiness, however, rest assured the bitch will be back(with lots of photos) for my next blog real soon....

Love yous all, my dear dear fans.....

Back soon....

Going on a jet plane

2010-09-17T19:05:00.003+08:00

Editor's note : Found this entry tucked away in my personal folder of my work computer today. I must have forgotten about this entry which I typed in word format while I was on the flight to Perth last month...still looks good enough to publish so here it is, guys......

I am now on a plane as we speak to fetch my mail order bride/groom from Perth. Yes, we have decided it is finally time to consummate our relationship in the land of lah. Its been a long 21 months, and as the formulation goes, 1 day apart is equivalent to 10 years of longing, so I have been longing for M for about 6510 years now, so that makes me an immortal. Bitch please, I don’t wanna be one of those pasty kiddie vampires from Twilight, maybe transfer Jacob’s body to me but keep my face, I like my face….Anyways, am digressing, must be the effects from the wonderful combination of the pressurised cabin and the classy canned wine I am imbibing.

Back to the trip. Yes, its been a while, and not soon enough. All this was decided about 6 months ago (yes, we’re Taureans and we need to plan ahead) that we could no longer live apart. The emotional upheavals, while getting less intense with more time spent apart, was also becoming a source of worry as we were worried that the intensity of our love for each other was fading. Now before any of you jump to conclusions, I am not having a 7 year itch affair, and M does not have a Thai third party stowed away in the outskirts of Bangkok. We are both still very much in love. We saw this more as a natural progression of our relationship, one filled with a new sense of resurgent feelings and new adventures. Perth has given me a nice, cool home away from home, somewhere where I could have fun, relax and get away from the heat. Singapore, despite its long working hours is good for work, as I was lucky to have a working environment that is both progressive and fun.

However, something was still missing. The welcoming look of your partner after a long tiring day. The shared frustrations over glasses of wine. The mini dates of a simple meal and movie on the weekend. Little things which mean a lot and are irreplaceable. But I’m certainly glad I will no longer be doing these things on my own (yes, I do talk to myself sometimes). I am sure M will enjoy Singapore. M’s been to Singapore at least 6 times now anyways. Yes, it may be a little different working here compared to having holidays, but I’m sure we’ll make something good out of it.

We always do.

Happy Birthday Singapore!

2010-08-09T18:04:00.002+08:00

Despite the fact that I have moved away from Singapore for about 10 years.
Despite the fact that I can be fined for drinking water onboard the MRT train.
Despite the fact that I could get called up twice a year to give away 2 weeks of my life to serve in the army.

I still love Singapore, well as much as a Singaporean who's had the opportunity to live and work overseas can.

I love the fact that I am not assaulted by pools of vomit when I step out of my house on Saturday mornings.
I love the fact that I never have to wait for more than 6 minutes for a train that takes me to almost every corner in Singapore.
I love that I can survive here without ever having to spend more than $2.50 for a meal if I chose to.

I hate that people are sometimes rude when it comes to jostling for trains, queuing for food or competing for property.
I hate the long working hours and how Singaporean I am when it comes to bringing work home on the weekends.
and I hate the fucking weather here.

Despite all that, I was lucky to have been born in Singapore, where I never had to worry about getting into drugs, getting stabbed on the streets or getting cholera from just drinking water.

Although my "lifestyle" is not even publicly acknowledged as a minority group here, I am lucky that I have friends who accept and embrace me for who I am, and not what I'm perceived to be.

So thank you Singapore, for giving me all the necessary basics to grow as a bright young person and although I did not fit into the mould of "rich property owner, professional career minded, married with 3 kids" that you have intended for me since I was born, I am still proud of who I am and what I have achieved.

I hope you'll be as good to Matt as you were to me in flourishing your abundant financial excesses. Who knows, you might even get yourself an adopted Singaporean who says "lah" with an Aussie accent.

Happy Birthday Singapore!

Re-Masculinisation

2010-08-02T21:49:00.003+08:00

Those of you who are in the know, I was recalled to serve in the army last week. Me? In the army??!!! Yes! And I couldn't believe it myself, having been out of the country for the last 10 years and not even hearing a pip from them. Now I've only been here for about 1 year 8 months and I get recalled.....Now I cannot talk about anything that occurred in the army training itself, as a few local bloggers have been seriously reprimanded for doing so...I shall do what I do best..that is, talk about my feelings a.k.a bitch...

Now that I have finished my stint unscathed, I present to you the top ten rules for surviving the army after being a civilian for so long....

1) Finish every sentence with the f word...you can f your mutha, f your brother, f your dog or f the pencil, as long as you are f-ing, you will be able to communicate clearly with one another and get your point across.

2) Do your assigned work or vocation with 20% of your full ability. If you excel in what you do, you will be assigned more and tougher tasks with heavier responsibilities which if you do not deliver, will result in condemnation and maybe even fines...

3)Put on your stealth jacket and avoid looking aimless at all costs. Having a piece of document in front of you paired with an intense furrowed look always works.

4) Prepare three times the amount of cigarettes you would normally smoke in the outside world because that's really all you can do during your free time.

5) Condition your body to sweat excessively with minimal physical exertion. That way, you will always look like you are making so much effort to get a job done.

6) Arrive in camp on the dot. If you are too earlier, you may be asked to take the attendance for the platoon or run around to look for someone. If you are too late, you may be charged for AWOL.

7) Do not allow your limp wrist to make an appearance.

8) Under no circumstances should you use the word "Darling". Replace it with incomprehensible grunting.

9) Do not allow your glances at hunky, sweaty, topless soldiers to linger more than 3 seconds.

10) Familiarise yourself with sports cars' engine parts and as an added bonus, stories about your "conquests" of ex-girlfriends. Conquests of shoes and handbag sales events are not acceptable.

So how did I de-masculinise myself when I was finally released last Friday?

I had a nice shower (with my Body Shop French Lavender shower gel), relaxed on my bed, put on the Sex and The City 2 movie and sipped Lychee Martini from my gorgeous cocktail glasses.....

Self Inspiration

2010-07-25T14:15:00.002+08:00

Now before anyone says anything......

Yes I know...its been 7 months and 13 days since my last blog entry...is it? I've lost count. Well, I'm back, and hopefully you are going to see more regular posts from me. During the last 7 months, I have gone through quite a bit of thinking, have been working real hard (yes, even on weekends) and flying between my two homes.

As a result of my laziness crippling my inspiration to write, I've never really thought about reviving this blog. Its been so long and I know I would have driven away my last remaining readers anyway with my infrequent (read : non-existent) posts. Then something strange happened last night. You know how when you type in a certain website address and the drop down list comes up with loads of websites which you had previously visited? I rarely look at the screen as I type, but somehow, last night, I typed in www.g and then I glanced at the screen. I'm sure you can guess what came up on the screen...

www.grandmasterwong.blogspot.com

I thought, well, since I haven't looked at it for so long, it might be worth a re-visit, just to have a laugh. I ended up reading through my 100 over posts accumulated over 4 years and spent over an hour just navigating through my own blog! And my banner has even reappeared (it disappeared towards the end of last year as I did not rnew my account with them). See how much I love myself?

But seriously, I must say I'm glad I started this blog. Its like a little public treasure trove of information that I can experience over and over again...in fact, I was so inspired that I decided to start writing again, well hopefully at least an entry once every 2 weeks?

I also sent this site to one of my colleagues to read last night...and she ended up reading it on her phone when she was outside and couldn't stop!She loved it! So I thought since so many people (yes, all five of you) really enjoy reading my blog, why not do something to bring joy to others while satisfying my inner ego to be praised and loved by everyone. I did consider switching over to Twitter but it is such a lazy blogging tool, no structure, no content planning, haphazard entries which do not link properly etc..etc...I have no wish to waste my time on a site that does not truly recognize my vast talent.

So there you have it, my first come back blog entry....

So where's the welcome party?

Told you I'd be here....

2009-12-11T19:26:00.008+08:00

Well I'm back...Friday nights are good for blogging, when I'm all relaxed and ready to let out my frustrations. Not that I have that much frustrations to vent, but as you get by life, some things are bound to piss you off yeah?

Music is my key to relaxation, and as I get older, 60's music has really begun to grow on me. Before this, I was a real techno head, with doof doof beats sounding off my alarm clock at 6 in the morning. Now as I mellow into yellow jello, my tunes of choice have shifted to the Supremes, Petula Clarke, Carly Simon and the Monkees....you get the drift...

Songs were so fun then, about other girls stealing your boyfriend, about being vain, about stopping in the name of love.....non of the drive by shootings, drugs, revenge we hear so much in songs nowadays.

Call me an old fart, a sucker for romanticism, a sell out...but these songs really transport me to an era I wish I could have been born in. All the fabulous fashion, the luxury of owning a TV, dancing next to your radio and chasing after those gorgeous pop stars......no PSPs, no mobile phones, no emails, weekends hanging out with your friends....ahhh...life was good then wasn't it?

Songs from that era are really good for reminiscing too. Of the good times I had back in Australia, and all of the great people I've met. Sydney is a place that will always have a special place in my heart. While I was born in Singapore, i have found a different kind of family in Sydney. Sometimes I wonder if I was really from Australia in my last life. The familiarity of the streets, the parties we've had at our apartment, the beaches that stretch on for miles, the cosy little restaurants down dark alleys...can't seem to find that in Singapore...or is it maybe cos I'm not looking hard enough, or is it due to the fact that my baby love isn't next to me right now...nobody knows.

If I had a time machine to bring me back to where I should have been, I'd probably be able to meet me in my last life in Sydney. Where there's no PSPs, no mobiles, no emails and just me and my baby dancing to the latest hits of 1965, right here in our lounge room...

Life would have been good then eh?

Terrible terrible blogger

2009-12-09T22:13:00.002+08:00

I am so sorry, my eternal fans. I have let you down and not blogged for more than a month....I've been very busy and stressed out with work and just haven't had the mood to blog for a while. Excuses, I know, but its true....

So please bear me me fir a few more weeks and I promise you I will resume regular blogging. With the Christmas season coming up, I'm sure there'll be lotsa topics I can put the Grandmaster spin on...

And if I can figure out how to convert the video format to something that is uploadable, I'll be able to show you my TV appearance a few weeks back where I was featured at my workplace. Then all of you will finally understand what I do for a living. This gives you all a few weeks to learn Mandarin because it's a Chinese program, hehehe....

Until then...see yas all.....

MYSTERY BLOGGER IS BACK!!!!

2009-11-10T21:58:00.002+08:00

I have been back from the land of lah for a couple of nights and mixed emotions had made me have some thoughts I would like to share and last night I was reading the previous entry and could not have described the weekend better and if there was a competition to describe it in one word "Perfect".
From 4.00am Thursday morning being welcomed by smiles and hugs to 4.30pm Sunday there was nothing but love and joy and well shopping too. Then the dreaded moment came as I walked through security and customs, I knew the time had come to say goodbye and my final moment looking through the glass, waiving, making funny gestures then smiling while deep down I felt like the titanic watching as the back pack faded away and then it was my turn to walk down to board my flight back to a place that was in darkness and lonely and I call home. For some reason it was more difficult this time and the thoughts just kept coming and I felt lost. Then one simple phone call and a few simple words took the pain away and I knew to follow the path life leads. It is really true what they say, we worry about the past, future but never now and every experience can be a positive one. This trip really was a great one in more ways than described and I know that with patience, time and keeping it simple, the moment will come when there will be no more fading back pack, tears and a great future and more adventures ahead.
So now I don't see the darkness or loneliness, I see light (much easier when you switch them on) and more "perfect" times ahead.

Degree of Difficulty

2009-11-08T21:24:00.003+08:00

As I am writing this, Matty is flying off on a plane back to Perth...

Yes, we've done it again, subjecting ourselves to the roller coaster of emotions by taking express holidays in Singapore and Perth. For some reason, I am feeling a bit more down this time round than any of the departures before. I was searching within my mind why this was so...

It can't be that we haven't done enough for the four days he was here..

We've caught up with the important people, including my sister in law's twin sister whom I had introduced to Matt 3-4 years ago when she was posted to work in Sydney for a few weeks. Hung out with my brother as his new place which Matt loved...its got a resort type of feel to it...
We had two personal dinners, one at a Indonesian restaurant on the first night and French last night. This was the most we've managed as we've only ever had time for one whenever he comes over here (due to the packed schedule of catch ups he has with his friends here).
We went into Butter Factory, one of Singapore's premier venues for clubbing through my cousin's connections and had a couple of drinks there.
We watched a comedy performance together with my cuz and her "friend" as a belated birthday present to her (they all loved it..Ennio Marchetto for those of you interested in finding out more).
Matt got a $10 haircut which my mum thought made him look "handsomer".
We caught a midnight movie for the first time in our lives (and eventually got home at 2:30am sober for once in our lives)
Matt visited all his old haunts (Borders in the city and the Popular bookshop in my suburb of Toa Payoh).

And yet we were in an exceptionally quiet mood at the airport. Yes, we tried to make a laugh out of it by gesturing stupid signs of goodbyes to each other as he walked through the customs door, but as soon as I turned my back and started to make my way home, it felt like a 10 ton anchor had been latched onto my heart.

I am not normally a dramatic person, but my eyes actually teared up today. My mind kept shifting back by 24 hours, where I was having a wine with him and playing Wii at my brother's apartment. The joy of being able to share Matt's wonderful heart with the rest of my family was indescribable. And the French dinner which we had after, where every morsel of food seem to taste exceptionally good, every drop of wine savoured felt precious and every conversation connected the different facets and emotions of our lives together.

Emotionally, our minds and hearts have never been apart, but not having the physical being next to you can take its toll. Simple acts such as holding hands and running my fingers through the hair takes on a new dimension when you've been apart for a while. And when that basic need is taken away by distance, it can wreck havoc with your emotions. And bring tears to your eyes as you are walking away.

My only consolation is that I know this will be over soon.

That I'll be able to meet him any day after work for dinner.

That I'll get a hug before I go to work.

And a pet on my head and kiss on my cheek before bed each night.

Only in Singapore......

2009-10-07T22:34:00.005+08:00

can you learn to be vigilant against terrorism so that you can protect yourself and your loved ones and win a PSP while doing it. Now you can be assured you won't be blown up to pieces while you are riding in a train or bus glued to your PSP screen.

Nothing is so bad that it cannot be solved with a campaign, contest or promotion.

of passings and new births...

2009-10-04T03:28:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow I'm going to a celebration of a new born's first month. It is always significant for the family of the newborn to throw a feast to celebrate the newborn's existence and usually ancestors are only informed of the new arrival at the end of the first month.

Apparently, there is a Chinese saying that of all who lack filial piety, the worst is who has no children. Am I doomed to be an unfilial child for good?

On the very same day, I've just been informed that one of Matt's closest friend's mum has passed away at 10pm Sydney time. I do not know this lady well, but Matt has grown up with her. Its sometimes hard to understand the longing of one who is neither a friend or family, but someone who's always been at the back of your mind. I've gone over with Matt a couple of times to her place and I've seen how her face lights up when Matt's there...it is sad when people have to leave, but at least she left swiftly without the agony of a long drawn out battle.

There is another Chinese custom where family members burn their departed things to ease their journey into the other world. I know Laura has always wanted a gold or platinum card to use whenever she desires.

Gonna burn her one tomorrow.

Hope she finds some use for it.

Rest in peace, Laura, I will miss your roast dinners....

2009-10-02T21:48:00.002+08:00

Spotted at F1....

Price Fail - Average plate of great tasting chicken rice costs $2.50. $8 a plate for a run of mill version just screams exploitation.

Food Safety Fail - Given the slow moving crowds around this store, I predict the chickens would have been hanging there for at least 6 hours from the time it was cooked. The total bacterial count I predict would be well in excess of 50 million bugs. Salmonella and chickens are a match made in heaven and can make you go there too.

Image fail - This is not the impression you want to leave the tourists with, that one of our national dishes (which we apparently share with Malaysia) actually tastes like that....I am sure the organisers could have at least organised a reputable chicken rice store to set up there with perhaps nicer looking packaging? If they were targetting the locals, how many 16 year old chicken rice stall owners have you seen?

The weekend zooms past......

2009-10-01T20:22:00.017+08:00

Pop quiz : What prompted the Grandmaster to go to this year's Singapore F1?

1. He has always been a great racing fan and can name the last 5 winners of the F1 season in his sleep.

2. It would be unSingaporean not to go.

3. He is a sucker for profuse sweating, ear drums busting noises, and other assorted butch type associations.

4. He scored a free ticket (i.e. he was invited by a kind soul who thought he needed a bit of a boost in the testosterone department).

So here begins his adventure

"Trotted down to the Marina Bay area where I had dinner with David. Always one to look out for super bargains, we chanced upon a one for one offer of half rack ribs and chicken at Billy Bombers, an all American diner with Asian wait staff. Now we all know that American food is really the epitome of culinary excellence, therefore I don't really need to describe how my dining experience went. Because that's not what this blog entry is about. This blog entry is really about........

HOW TO DRINK BEER AND NOT GET A HANGOVER

The fantastic Singapore skyline, a great backdrop for a few drinks with an old friend.

Drink 0

Drink 1 and 2

Drink 6

Drink 9

Drink 347

And concurrently, Drink 3 and 4 (wuss!)

Our unquenchable thirst lead to a few Fevola inspired antics

Then it was time to hit the dance floor. I must express my gratitude to the Wiggles for teaching me how to survive a FIERCE dance floor (hint 00:47 min).

Sure....there were a few cars trodding around in circles, still, not quite as exciting as us zooming in and out looking for the bar with the shortest queue, manoeuvring the corners, overtaking the competition, showering the fans with our beer....Wow! My adrenaline is pumping as I'm typing this.......

We will be back for another successful season....."

Answer : 4

Thanks for a great night, buddy!

Scary

2009-09-21T21:22:00.004+08:00

This first half of this blog entry will only by understood by the true True Blood fans who have seen season 2...

Oh my lord, it looks like Mary Ann has gotten to the folks at Yoshinoya! One wonders what happens in the outlets after closing hours.....

And speaking of American TV shows, YEAH! Toni Collette, my current fave actress, has won a well deserved Emmy for Best Actress in A Comedy Series for her role as Tara (and Alice and Buck and T) in my current fave series United States of Tara....can't wait for season two!

Public holiday here today so I was out on the streets gallivanting. However, I've had this thought that kept bugging my mind, just can't seem to get it out...

The recurring question was.....

"What rhymes with faggot?"

Yes, my mind works in a strange fashion some days, and today was one of those.

This was what I came up with so far.

Maggot
Target
Yogurt

And that was it.....

I stopped thinking about it for a while, but now that I've blogged about it, it is resurfacing in my mind.....

Damn....time to go read a book.

Ship Sinker

2009-09-20T13:35:00.002+08:00

"Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay put as long as truth."

Will Rogers

"To harken to evil conversation is the road to wickedness."

Anonymous

"Gossip is the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid."

Walter Winchell

"Gossip is always a personal confession either of malice or imbecility."

Josiah Gilbert Holland

"We cannot control the evil tongues of others; but a good life enables us to disregard them."

Cato the Elder

"No sword bites so fiercly as an evil tongue."

Sir Philip Sidney

"Gossip is a sort of smoke that comes from the dirty tobacco-pipes of those who diffuse it; it proves nothing but the bad taste of the smoker."

George Eliot

It has come to my recent attention that a certain person (whose name has no place in my blog) has been firing off some loose cannons directed at the back of one of my beloved family members. One wonders how people with vacuous minds can conjure up such accusations worthy of a tabloid cover and $10 million lawsuit.

Personally, that person has not done anything nasty to me. However, to accuse my dear family member of committing adultery when it was clearly not the case is absolutely ludicrous. If you can turn on your friend of 8 years because you are clutching to straws trying to hang on to your potential husband material, then there is not much left to speak of your character is there?

Your innocent face is a perfect mask for your scheming ways to take control of your prized passport out of the miserable life you are leading. Now that you have fired your first shot at us for supposedly trying to rescue your prisoner of lust, you have started a war that will not end in a peace signing.

You DO NOT mess with my family.

Innocent by standers, this entry may be a little be difficult to read, but it is truly how I feel about that person at the moment. Cryptic as it may sound, those of you who are in the know will understand perfectly what this entry is about.

Excuse me while I sharpen my knives.......

Gone Fishing

2009-09-15T20:05:00.003+08:00

Remember yonks ago when I blogged about the fish spa thing? When Matt was over here last weekend, he promised his workmates he'll look into it and managed to find a spa in Orchard Road that offered that....

Now the PETA-ians amongst would probably be crying your animals hearts out exclaiming how cruel this must be for the fishes feeding them dead skin off our feet, but do bear in mind this is a traditional form of treatment which dates back centuries in Egypt, so if these doctor fishes haven't gone extinct, it can't be too wrong for them to provide this service for us....

I'm cannot even begin to describe the feeling, so we decided to show you how we felt when we initially put our feet into the tank swarming with this little fishes (which are related to piranhas by the way)...the video displays our full range of emotions not seen since the filming of Challis Avenue.

Matt's expressive outbursts filled the calm spa with screams of delight, lifting the spirits of all the other patrons in the spa who were enjoying the relaxing foot and back massages they were receiving (until we came along).

My expressions were somewhat more subdued, displaying the full emotional range of a guy persevering to the end despite the pain, trauma and hardship he has been made to go through.....

Now whoever wants to try it, let me know when you drop by Singapore next time.....I will be more than happy to bring you there (armed with my camera....muah ah hahaha!).

trust

2009-08-23T02:18:00.003+08:00

hey, when was the last time you had to put your trust in someone?

dunno, somehow i felt my trust was betrayed this week....

i decided to share my innermost feelings with someone and not expect it to be shared around....

somehow, i felt like it was....

distributed around like a prized commodity....

nevermind, it was nothing that i felt was so critical that it could affect my life or the ability to function.

But still...it was a trust we decided to keep amongst ourselves....

and i trusted the person....

nevermind...seriously i'm not angry at that person....

it just makes me think twice about talking openly anymore....

seriously, i'm not angry....
not even disappointed....
just curious about how the human mind works.....
even with the most progressive of them all.....

i am going to revert my mind to where it was before....

to the quiet little zone where no one can access....

except for my baby in Perth and friends in perth and sydney.....

Welcome to my land

2009-08-20T21:25:00.002+08:00

The shortest blog entry ever!

This is to welcome my two latest blog fans from Forrestfield who unwittingly stumbled upon my blog after being tipped off by my PR manager...

Enjoy and I know I really need to blog more soon, but I have been too busy finding an excuse why I'm not blogging and hence do not have much time to blog...

Will try this weekend....

Another trip, another difficult Monday night

2009-08-11T22:03:00.010+08:00

Sad fella by the water

Just back from Perth yesterday on my 4 am flight AND I went into work today...Taurus...hard worker...can't help it. Tell you what, its getting more and more difficult to leave Perth and Matt behind with each of the trips I'm making there...I had so much fun on this trip, the time really just seems to zoom by....Depression sinks in as I'm getting into the cab and the image of Matt standing there on his own by the door waving gets smaller and smaller......

When Matt and I used to live together, I cooked most weekday nights. It was a stress reliving process for me and through my food, I was able to introduce Matt to my culture and life back in Singapore. If you know me, food has always been an important part of my life, so much that I chose to make it my career. When I was ten, I was mesmerised by how this female chef from Hong Kong (Fang Tai for those of you who grew up in my era and area) was able to whip up three to four dishes in the space of half hour and make them look oohh so delicious. Since then, I was inspired to become her, or at least cook as well as she does. Along the way, I realised that you shouldn't believe everything you see on TV, especially when all six out of shot assistants she had were all cooped up in a hot sweaty back kitchen chopping up the onions and preparing the food that she "prepared earlier".

Now, as you would have known, I have moved to Singapore as part of a future life program we have both planned together, and am thus not able to sit down with Matt to have a nice home cooked dinner as we've done for the last six years.

I do miss that.

Because food to me is not just about filling your stomachs and making sure all biological systems have fuel to push ahead this aging body.

It is the love and thought added to the food that matters more than the taste itself. I have, on many occasions, kicked up a big fuss because the dish I prepared was too salty, too diluted, too runny and basically not look like what was shown on the cookbook. Matt's the more patient one, he'll still chomp it down while emphasising to me he could still taste the effort and love that went into it. True, it may not be what it looks like on the cookbook, but it was perfect for him. So every time I throw a hissy fit, he would tell me to shut the fuck up and taste what's "real" in the dish.

I mentioned earlier, we're no longer living together. And no longer eat together all the time. But that is not gonna stop me from cooking. The last 2 times I've gone to Perth, I've been cooking plenty of meals and freezing them up, so Matty can take them out and enjoy them whenever he misses me (or am hungry and couldn't be fucked to get anything outside of home).

For selfish reasons, it gives me a chance to step back into the kitchen, something I don't do very often in Singapore. There is only space for one Master Chef in every kitchen and in Singapore, its Mum.

Here's is a selection of the food I've prepared for Matt.

Stirfried Chicken in a sweet and spicy tomato paste (Sambal) served with steamed Jasmine Rice

Classic Spaghetti Bolognaise

Braised Lamb Shanks with Tomato and Red Wine for those cold nights

This one's my favourite new pan Asian creation, Stirfried Black Pepper Beef Pasta

All neatly stacked up, labelled and ready to be microwaved!

And for those of you who have heard that frozen or microwave reheated food is bad for you and causes you to have cancer, incontinence or man boobs, its all bullshit alright.

I know. I'm a food technologist, or as it is more glamorously known nowadays, a techno-chef.

Soap Opera Episode 3

2009-07-26T03:21:00.002+08:00

Why, would you suddenly wanna leave from a scene when you've come across from another part of town where you paid $6.80 in a cab for?

I dunno.

What the hell possessed me that I wanted to leave a place where all of my friends were at and were all waiting to get into, save for a girl that doesn't speak much English who wanted to go to the toilet.....

Looks like all the meditation training that I've gone through in the last 3 weeks hasn't helped much.

Why did I have to apologise to my cousin and close friend David for my actions....after all I was doing what Sharon would have done.....be herself.

I didn't want to be there.

But how on earth did I manage to get myself into that location in the first place?

Was I seduced by beauty? Or was it the fact that people stayed half an hour later for us at Velvet, so I had to return the favour?

Why am I making this outing more complicated that what it should really be?

Isn't this outing meant to be a happy gathering of friends who wanted to go out and have a good time?

What happened?

Have I drifted back to my silly old days in Sydney when I was offended by everything the group said? That I was too fat and shouldn't really be eating that Big Mac I was holding in
my hands?

So now what?

Do I call and apologise the next morning?

I meant what I said in my SMS to my cousin.

"U and David and Christian are most impt to me, fuck the rest"

I hope Letitia enjoyed herself. I did. For most of it.

The Curious Case of Grand Master Wong

2009-07-16T21:09:00.023+08:00

I have absolutely nothing to write about, so I shall post pictures of me loving myself....

This is funnnn!!!!

Meditation Medication

2009-07-13T22:31:00.002+08:00

I've recently signed up for 3 sessions on basic meditation. For those of you who are fortunate enough to be acquainted with my inner most thoughts, you would know that I practice Buddhism (not very polished yet, but I try) not as a religion, but more as a lifestyle.

I've read books on the subject and try to lead as much of a peaceful life as possible, but its not always easy in this fast paced world of material needs. As a famous philosopher once said, "Because we're living, in a material world, and I'mmm a mer mer mer terial g........", its good once in a while to detach yourself from this cynical world and retreat into your own mind.

I must admit that I struggled (and am still struggling) to calm my mind down during the first lesson. You'd never know how busy your mind is until you deliberately slow it down to reflect on your life. During the meditation guidance, the nun guides you through the paces to relax your body and empty your mind. She forewarned that there will be distractions abound but the aim is to stay focused on thinking about nothing and concentrating on the breathing. Sounds easy on paper, but this was the list of distractions I had during the 20 minute session.

Concentrated on my breathing for the 1st 30 secs

31st sec : "hmmm...what should I have for dinner later, I feel like having char kway....HEY, CONCENTRATE!"

43rd sec : concentrate on my breathing.....

1 min 3rd sec : "did I bring my work that I was gonna do this weekend? Shit, I think I must have left it on my work desk, damn, have to go back and get it tomorro...MARTYN WONG! YOU ARE AT A MEDIATION CLASS, STOP THINKING ABOUT WORK!"

4th min : "The aircon is really loud, and its blowing cold air on my left cheek, its feeling a bit numb now....HEY! ARE YOU SERIOUS ABOUT THIS OR WHAT!"

7th min : "SHIT! DID I JUST FALL ASLEEP? I HOPE I DIDN'T SNORE!"

10th min : "pleaseeee...ease don't leave me....FREAK! WHY CAN'T I GET THIS PINK SONG OUT OF MY HEAD!"

11th to 20th min : 300 more different thoughts went in and out of my mind.....

As you can tell, I was getting a mild case of schizophrenia, but it made me realise one thing, our minds must be working a million miles an hour! For something thats been working hard for the last 33 years, its difficult to tell it to slow down to concentrate on just one thing.

I'm hoping it gets better next week.

One thing which did leave a deep impact on me was when the nun explained about stress. Stress affects different people in different ways. Given that two people react differently to the same situation, she postulated that stress is something an individual's mind creates for oneself. Stress occurs when the mind goes out of control, inflicting thoughts of fear and panic which can cause one to make bad decisions. Through meditation, we can possibly control how our mind reacts to different situations and if we can keep it in control, we can deal with extreme situations better.

I believe that.

She also said something that made a lot of sense. Our minds are incessantly filled with useless thoughts. Take for example, you are at work, getting totally stressed out and you think how nice would it be to have a holiday right now. Now, that is a useless thought. Because you are physically still at work, and there is no way (of course unless you suddenly announce to your boss you need to take a holiday right now. Not many work places would still keep the job for you after your one month unannounced Europe holiday) you could transform that thought to reality now. Thats why it is termed a useless thought. The reverse is the same. You are on holidays, and your mind drifts off to work. Whether that project has been closed off properly, whether your emails are piling up, whether the office has collapsed because they are lacking your efficient presence....but you are physically still stuck on a remote island with pristine white sandy beaches and sparkling waterfalls....another useless thought. When you let useless thoughts occupy your mind, you are unable to concentrate on whats important and happening right now. Its not easy to not think about these thoughts, but the important thing is not to cling on to them.

If you do, you will lose both ways.

Whoa, typed so much already...hope its not too preachy...

Just wanted to share some of my thoughts....

Express update

2009-07-04T18:21:00.002+08:00

Yes, apologies again for disappearing once again off the face of the earth and reappearing again to unleash a barrage of verbal diarrhoea. So much has happened since the last time I blogged, which I embarrassingly mislabelled the year Michael Jackson was born.

So in a nutshell, this is a summary of what happened the last time since I blogged from Tokyo.

After Tokyo, I came back on a Saturday afternoon only to fly off on the very next Sunday to Bangkok for a workshop. I would love to go into the technical details of the Workshop on the Applications of Nanotechnology in Foods organised by the Asian Productivity Organisation but I wouldn’t think that would be a topic of great interest to you guys. All you need to know was that firstly I was representing Singapore at the workshop and secondly, I had a great time although the ultra busy schedule was taking its toll on my health.

From Bangkok I then flew off to Manila, Philippines for my dear friend’s wedding. And I got to meet up with my dear mate, Matthew Lyons there.....so that was great fun too. Manila surprised me. I never really thought much of it, wasn’t really a place I had in mind to visit. But I tell ya, the people we met there were fabulous, friendly and beautiful. Shopping is a somewhat different experience there, especially when you have to go through a bag search, metal detectors and a smiling armed guard to get into the mall. And I finally understood the true meaning of good service there. Fridge out of beer after a drinking session with your mates at 3 am? Finished your last cigarette at 4am? No worries, a phone call will resolve all that. Anything you need, all home delivered within the hour. Anytime of the day.

I went into Manila at 6am Saturday morning and flew out 10am Sunday. That, I tell you, is exhausting! Plus the chaos that is the Manila airport didn’t help. It looked like there was a riot there, but it was just people saying bye to their families or friends as non ticket holders are not allowed into the airport.

Then Matt and myself had only a few more hours to spend together on Sunday because he was leaving Monday and I had to work. We tried to spend as much precious quality time as we could together but regularly lapsed into periods of frustration and depression that we couldn’t have more time together. Anyways, until the next trip.....

I went back to work on Monday, had zero concentration, was making mistakes at work, was snapping at people and was generally wallowing in self pity when I received a phone call at 4pm. It was from one of the senior staff members who is our HR rep. He was also one of those people who have been working in the school for centuries too long, has no tact and should have really retired instead of sapping off tax payers’ money.

He said to me, in a real stern voice : “Martyn Wong, I am serving you with a leave of absence due to the fact you came back from two H1N1 affected countries. You must leave the premises immediately and stay at home for a week.”

Me :” ok, so the leave of absence is given by the school yeah, not from my annual leave because I was on official duties?”

Asshole :”No, because you went to Philippines on a personal trip, it will be taken off your annual leave.”

Me :”No, the announcement for staff who make personal trips to affected countries needing to take annual leave to cover their leave of absence when they return was only made today. Had I known that my annual leave was to be deducted, I would not have gone to the Philippines. So its not very fair to deduct my annual leave without prior notification”

Asshole : (This popped my cork) “Its too bad. So can you please pack up now and leav.....”

I slammed the phone down and went straight to my boss’s office.

After 15 minutes of ranting and raving, I came to an agreement with my boss that she will talk to Asshole on my behalf. However, I was pretty confident he wouldn’t have the power to take my annual leave, but if he did, I would have taken it further, first to the top of the chain and if that doesn’t work, I would have gone to the press. I was prepared to lose my job over it, but was he prepared to lose his reputation? If I’m going down, I wanted to drag rude and irresponsible people down with me, or at least get my 15 minutes of fame.

Two days later, while I was “resting” at home, asshole called me and sheepishly said “ They’ve decided not to deduct your annual leave, the Poly will take care of that.”
“Consider yourself lucky, take it as a holiday from the Poly, remember to take your temp....”

I slammed the phone down again.

Some people just shouldn’t be born with any mouth if they don’t have a brain to match.

Sad life

2009-06-26T18:31:00.003+08:00

Like one of his songs, maybe now they will finally leave him alone. Only after they squeeze every last money making drop of this piece of paparazzi gift from heaven.

Such talent marred by the media's constant obsession with his so called "weirdness".

Maybe he would have survived if he was born one or two decades later, where weirdness actually lands you a reality tv show and makes you famous for nothing.

Then he wouldn't have had to prove his worth, all he would have needed was a good publicist.

King of Pop, yes.

Surrounded by an empty castle filled with treasures, yet no one to share it with.

Let me be a pheasant anyday.

R.I.P Michael Jackson

1958-2009

Pictures talk better?

2009-06-12T00:23:00.007+08:00

Hope you don't mind me talking in pictures?

I'm in Shinjuku, I feel so unjapanese, uncool clothes, no cool handsigns when taking photos....

This is how it looks like without me in the background. Looks cool eh? Its was 1030 at night when we took this pic.....

My shabu shabu dinner...yeah...cost me a fucking $30....for 2 thin slices of marbled beef.....ai, the things you'd do for gastronomic ecstasy....

What? A whole prawn in a burger patty? I know MacD's are good at innovating, but 3 whole prawns in a patty? Are they losing money in Japan?

Almost died when I saw a cask of wine, except it was Japanese Rice Wine...which was pretty nice actually, me still drinking it as I'm typing this.....

And FINALLY, I've found a drink in Tokyo for Firman...I'll bring it back for you Firman.....

How to design a $590 per night hotel

2009-06-08T22:41:00.013+08:00

Did I forget to mention that I am away for a business trip in Tokyo this week? Too lazy to type paragraphs so shall explain with pictures....Seriously I was not expecting the company to put us up at such a swanky joint, knowing how expensive Japan generally is...but boy, I was so surprised when the coach pulled up and voila! The Strings by Intercontinental Hotel. We have corporate rates of $260 per night, but a check with the front desk confirmed my suspicions. $590 per night is the going rate.....so what makes it worth $590?

First you jazz up the bed with the fluffiest pillows and softest doonas......

Then you make sure that there is a "foot" button next to the bed your customer can push if....

they need to get a drink in the middle of the night and the room is dark.....

You try your best not to make them go through too much effort compared to other normal hotels. For example, its too much work to hang a sign outside your door..just press a button....

Having million dollar paranomic views of the city will encourage your customers to go that extra mile on the treadmill.

And if your customers do not feel like a $200 meal to match the $590 room, there should always be takeaways available within walking distance.

And finally, you never, ever make your customers clean up after themselves. You invent machines to do that. And try to make it as universal as possible, where you can have the options of the machine cleaning your arse (second button from left) or your verjujus (third button from left). But what about the cold winter nights when you have to sit on the cold ceramic toilet seat? Ahhh....a push of a button and your seat will be all warm and toasty ready for you to plonk your plump arse on......

That's all you need to do to design a $590 per night hotel.....

The Crappy Post

2009-05-25T20:10:00.003+08:00

This week let's talk about crap.

Last Friday, we had some Very Important Person visit our workplace. He was visiting the our educational institute but decided to drop by our research centre for a look. Yeah, just a 10 minute browse around, nothing much yeah?

Crap.

We had to start "preparations" 2 weeks before. These were the preparations that we and the school had to do for the 10 minute visit.

Showcase 3-4 products which we have successfully introduced into the market (fair enough)
Write down exactly what we were going to say in front of the VIP and have it approved (crap)
Have 2 practice runs with the head of the school's exec committee so they are sure of exactly what you're gonna say (crap).
Boss asked for 4 more practice runs before the 2 practice runs with the head and the principal (crap)
Our lab is next to a raised platform and has been there for the last 60 years. Somebody decided it was too dangerous and decided to put permanent railings up in two days. Seems like the VI P's safety from this one single visit is more important than the students or staff walking along it on a daily basis (crap).
There is a dark walkway along the VI P's path which lead to our lab's backdoor. That was deemed too dark and dingy for the VIP to look at. What did they do? They sealed off the walkway with a wooden board and painted it exactly the same colour as that of its adjacent walls. They did a very good job, I must say. You wouldn't know there was a walk way there. You also wouldn't know there are 300 burning students behind the blocked walkway in the event of a major fire (Ultimate crap!).
They immobilised the whole of our schools cleaners to clean every spot he should possibly touch on his route to our lab (crap)
They rented , yes rented! some potted plants and strategically placed them on the path on route to our lab, cumulating into a burst of flourishing colours from 4 different kinds of flowers in a blatant display of specially arranged landscaping hiding the dull walls of my laboratory (crappy waste of taxpayer's money)
We have pleaded and begged with management to repair our floors which had cracked terribly from the badly applied epoxy for about 3 years now. There were no action taken. Until now. All it took was news that the VIP foot would be resting on these cracked floor surfaces and the coating was hurriedly done over the weekend before he arrived (aristocratic crap).
The whole thing was over in 10 minutes (holy crap, could have stayed longer to make all the trouble more worth it!)

Friday night, I had a lesson in physiology and chemistry. I learnt that one should not consume too much alcohol on an empty stomach in a hot and humid country. 6 glasses of wine, 2 glasses of vodka orange and 1 glass of long island iced tea emptied into an empty stomach equals stumbling home after you get out of a cab coupled with feelings of regurgitation and endless sweating. Not to mention the heavy head and half wasted day after. Crap!

To carry on with the crappy theme. Watched a real crappy movie on Sunday. Monsters vs Aliens. Forked out $13 to watch a 3D version of it as well! Crappy waste of my hard earned money. Dreamworks have lost it with this one. It was fun at first, the 3D effects, but the novelty worn off after a while. Boring storyline, I had to force myself to laugh on 3 occasions, the other times, I was just counting down the time. It was a short movie, 90 minutes, but felt like it was 3 hours. Its like a B grade animated movie. Those who haven't watched it, don't even bother buying the DVD. It is Crapola!

Other than that, it was quite a nice weekend, except it was fucking hot! Crap weather for the last few days, my air con has been working overtime.......

My New Obsession

2009-05-21T22:36:00.005+08:00

Holy Freak, how good is Masterchef Australia??!!!!

I am utterly obsessed with this show. Great food, great looking contestants, nurturing chefs (as opposed to self absorbed, attention seeking judges who's only aim in life is to put people down i.e. Kyle, Simon and Todd, take note)

I am a few episodes behind (only onto episode 10 now...) but I found myself cheering for the contestants and even feeling their immense pressure. I love the way the show is being presented and the surprises it throws up each week....Congratulations Channel 10, you haven't done good reality TV for a long long time now and ditching Big Brother was the best decision you've ever made.

I am so inspired I am now designing my dishes and I have the sudden urge to cook again, something I haven't done for a while now I'm back in Singapore where mum holds fort in the kitchen.

I think I might use David's kitchen to whip up a storm soon and I shall present pictures of my creation on here soon....

I don't think I could ever survive in a professional kitchen though. Even though I am a food technologist, my understanding of what flavours goes with what and variation of textures and colours are not quite there yet. Sure, I can whip up a mean home cooked meal, but to plate it up and serve it in the restaurant would be another thing. And the pressure, I think I would crack as soon as they ask me to pick out my ingredients from the pantry.....

Anyways, I shall get cracking soon with my new creations. Stay tuned....

P/S : Iron Chef, you must be enjoying the show so much too! And with some of the dishes you've created, I reckon you could be on that show!

And Chef George...geeez...turns my top soil......

I can't believe I just typed that.......

33 years and 1 week

2009-05-17T20:39:00.002+08:00

Got a bit reflective today looking back at my 33 years and 1 week.....

What have I achieved?

Monetary wise, I have been average...my bro brought us to the unit that he bought after our mother's day dinner last night (which was fantastic by the way, haven't had a proper family dinner other than during Chinese New Year for many many years now). And just to clarify, our family sometimes celebrate Mother's Day a week later just to avoid the crowds and the extra charges they pile on for special occasions. Back to the unit, it looked great, nice location, nice level and a nice big balcony, which is always a prerequisite for a nice unit. I haven't got a unit, a car or loads of cash. I am what you would term as "comfortably poor".

I am a competitive person by nature (Taurus), and I am very security conscious (Taurus), but not against my family members.

Sure, I wished I had more money in my bank account, I wished I had a car (got to get a licence first), and I wish I have the 2 million dollar mansion my boss just built. Its funny, I'm surrounded by people who seem to have it all, yet I'm not jealous.

Is this due to old age, am I softening like cheese and wine? Have I lost my drive?

Maybe its because I have a partnership with one of the most wonderful person you can find on this planet (no names required).

Maybe its because I have some real friends from Australia (namely Sydney, Wollongong and Perth) and Singapore. Sure, they make up no more than the fingers I can count on my two hands, but would you rather have 100 fake air kissing ass smooching friends or 1 true friend holding your hand on your death bed (ok, sorry getting a little morbid here....)?

So what have I achieved?

I have plans, but it'll take time. I won't be stuck in this "comfortably poor" zone forever. And make sure all you friends come along for the ride.

Because without you all I am and have nothing.

Party Animals

2009-05-13T21:38:00.019+08:00

Shiny swirling lights, I like, feels somewhat Woodstockish.....

Even the duchess flew in to celebrate our birthdays....ohh...how nice....

All in all, I counted 12 bottles of different spirits, 1 cask of wine (our trademark), and 2 bottles of champagne (courtesy of the duchess). Throw in a good mix (although somewhat repetitive) of music and you have a recipe for a night of debauchery.

The punters received a very warm welcome from the bar staff...

Of course, not forgetting the fabulous little food which I spent about 1 week visualising and the party was rocking! I wished I had taken more photos of the food, they were so so cute!!! By 6:30pm, everyone was happily slurring, the barman (me) was getting harassed left, right and centre, there was murder on the dance floor, lots of D&Ms and atmosphere was well and truly gay....in a happy sort of way....

There was hugging.......

Surprisingly, amidst all the excitement, there was not even a drop of alcohol spilt or any glasses broken (of course we had to thank the reject shop for having such classy plastic drinking tools).

Then we had to bring out our party trick.

Challis Avenue.

Always a hit, it truly added a touch of celebrity to the event. All we were missing was some paparazzi.

and a tiny bit of S&M

another random happy silly photo......

Anyways, do enjoy the photos and thank you all for the great time we had. Thanks also for the well wishers from Sydney, NZ and Singapore. We appreciate all your lovely SMSes, emails and phonecalls....

For those of you who forgot...well....

The hungover day after, the entourage of royal highasses trotted their way into the royal carriage on a cross country train ride into the wilderness known as Fremantle.

Instead of going for her favourite bratwurst sandwich, the Duchess decided to go down and dirty to try some fish. It appeared she loved it so much, she was licking her fingers after. "Finger licking good" she said. "Tastes like chicken"

Its not very often you get 2 members of the royal family from different countries together. The Duke of Wellington, Duchess of Roselands and a plate of pheasant food...ahhh....priceless......What's missing here is "Teeeeeaaaa...."

Prince Wong of Toa Payoh is the paparazzi darling. With his cool demeanour, rogue-ish good looks and his famous sunnies, he's a hit with the boys and the girls. But no one (except members of the royal family) ever gets within a foot from him. Notice those two bodyguards in the background who seem to blend in so well with the crowd?

Here's the Duke of Wellington looking as suave and as cute as the day he was born, back in 1924...

The Legend of Bintan (a real life fairy tale)

2009-04-26T21:35:00.017+08:00

Once upon a time, there lived two princes(ses) in the busy kingdom of Singapore. Singapore had everything, cheap food, good transport, good shopping and good people. But the two princes wanted more. They wanted some peace and quiet, something they could never find in Singapore.

So one early morning, they secretly left the grand palace while the Queen was still fast asleep and paid a boatman to take them away from Singapore!

Alas, along the way, their tiny boat capsized and the two princes had to swim to the nearest island they could see!

It was a very tough and arduous swim, but fortunately, there were stops along the way where they could have a rest if they needed.

Prince Ang Mo Kio has always been the stronger one amongst the two. He did not find the 1 hour swim difficult at all. After the swim, he even found the time and energy to make sure he got in some sight seeing photos on this deserted island.

Prince Toa Payoh, however, was struggling with every stroke and when he did finally haul himself out of the water, there wasn't very much else he could do except to put some clothes on.

The important thing was both of them arrived on the island safe and sound (and in style for some)

The two princes started exploring the island. The people there were very strange, they were standing around, asking us if we needed anything, offering us drinks, taking our bags for us....This was not something the two shipwrecked princes had expected at all. The best thing was, they used Singapore money to exchange for services and food, you didn't even have to look for or grow your own. Prince Ang Mo Kio used his last few Singapore dollars to buy some food from the villagers. The villagers also offered Matt some golden coloured beverage they called Bier. It was very nice, and it must have been magical because they both felt very happy after that.

Having filled his big big stomach, Prince Toa Payoh was very happy with the villagers and decided bestow this village the title of "designated royal village" affiliated to the Kingdom of Singapore. He named the village "Oleh Oleh Village" due to the sporting nature of its inhabitants.

Both princes were very very happy with this remote island and had learnt many things on the island along the way. But all good things had to come to an end. The Queen of Singapore found out the two princes had escaped and sent out a massive search party. The two princes were eventually found on this island but refused to go back to Singapore. In the ensuing struggle, both princes were accidentally speared by the Queen's guards. As blood gushed from their bodies and flooded the island, it was transformed into a glittering five star resort. And in honour of the princes, the islanders named it Nirvana Resort but because they were not educated, they couldn't spell so it turned out to be Nirwana Gardens Resort instead.
Legend has it that if you manage to pluck a coconut from the island, drink its nectar, and close your eyes, you can still hear the two princes frolicking in the water....

THE END

ok ok ok....

2009-04-21T23:53:00.002+08:00

Stop harassing me hahah!

I've been so busy, now that my workplace has found my unmeasurable talent, I've been now asked to revamp my website. Right, more work for me, less time for blogging! And all this because I decided to write an article for the website. My boss just embarrassed me, like a mum embarassing her child at his high school prom. She was gushing about how brilliant that article I wrote was, and kept repeating it throughout the meeting....ok ok, I know I'm brilliant, but there's only so much praising one can take before everyone at the meeting starts glaring at me...no...they weren't glaring, they were all very nice...and even gave me a little applause....after stabbing me repeatedly in the back when I wasn't looking.....

So now yes, I have the added responsibility of being the webmaster of our website......

I know my two major fans are so in need of my writing to get off, so I hope this entry is enough to keep you going....I'll promise to blog this weekend so you can get the big bang you're after!

I have photos to post from the Bintan trip, but that'll have to wait till the weekend. Its now 12am and time for bed....see the sacrifices I make for you guys?

P/S : Gerald, Boss remembers you from your Singapore Polytechnic days....I asked her today and she said, "yeah, G, the very tanned one right? The one with a very strong jawline?" !!@#$*??!!! She remembers your jawline??? Anyways, I told her you are a big time videographer now, working exclusively for the Australian Fashion Week. Hey, heard you're gonna promote Challis Avenue during AFW? So, am I gonna get a complimentary air ticket to the front row seat or not? Betta get on to it before I become a mega celeb in Singapore, cos I have another one of those dress up parties to attend this weekend....not confirmed that I'll be going yet though...haha, in case Minipong checks my blog.....

For the rest of ya, come back Sat or Sunday yeah?

Loves and kiss

Your Master

How can it be?

2009-03-31T21:24:00.010+08:00

That I have nothing to write about?

Is my life really that boring? (yes...and no)

The last two weeks have been really quiet for me, and I liked it...Some of you facebookers may have noticed that I have signed onto Facebook, but have yet to work it out yet. I reckon the amount of time spent trying to work it out is not worth the effort, I should have invested my two hours blogging something special for you guys here.....

Well, all is not lost yet, about 2 weekends ago, I was invited by my god fairy cousin to a dress up party. Dunno why, I always get invited to dress up parties, maybe people know that I love dressing up.

So I went with the notion that it was gonna be a dress up party typical of what I've been through in Aussieland. Boy, was I wrong! I am so out of touch with the party scene here, its not funny. You guys would probably know that I usually go all out when it comes to parties like that. The theme was "Jungle Fever".

So what did I go as?

Tiger Airways' Mascot "Doctor Jungle"

I thought, "Hmm...how clever, Jungle = Tiger and Fever = Doctor"

No so....not many people got the concept. They just thought I was being funny (as opposed to clever)

I was one of the 2 people who actually went all out to dress up. The other dressed up as a bird.

But I tell ya, the perks of being the centre of attention are endless. They include

stalking by non professional paparazzi
having girls ask me for free medical checkups the whole night (I swore I could have picked up a few girls that night, but you guys know I not like that...)
being interrupted while I'm deep in conversation with my friends at least 10 times,
getting my head stroked at least 50 times
almost scoring a free bottle of champagne for best dressed (the bloody bird got it)
being invited to the VIP lounge of another club for free drinks by the owner of the bar I was partying at.

So was it worth the stares, being pointed at and generally looking ridiculous in conservative Singapore where looks matter more than anything else?

YES!

I was drinking out of test tubes, which is very apt given that I'm a doctor!

The gang that got the exclusive invite

What a load of cheese.....

Although the party was meant to be only for beautiful and fake people, security can be momentarily slack and some people can slip through the tight checks (ok, ok, I've just bitch slapped myself for that comment)

For the record, the decadent lifestyle I led for that night took me three whole days to recover. must be gettin old(er).

Revisiting My Youth.....

2009-03-19T23:48:00.002+08:00

I was in a cleaning mood today and I was looking through my old CD collection I have not touched for the last 10 years, and boy I had really different musical tastes back then.

Wanting to appear cool and alternative, I never touched any top 40 music, choosing to go for the more obscure bands and one hit wonders, and I absolutely loved bands with female lead singers like The Cardigans, Garbage and The Cranberries....guess I relate to a woman being the centre of attention.

Well I'm not really in a mood to be blogging now at 12am, so I'll just post a sample selection of the music I used to dig, just to highlight to you how eclectic I was back then....alas, now all I listen to are Madonna, Kylie, Pink, Rhianna.....but hey, what's wrong with that eh?

Just remember to stop the music player at the top left hand corner when you are playing these ok?

What I brought back from Aussieland

2009-03-17T19:46:00.013+08:00

The Australian Flu, thats what.....had to stay home today due to my fever and incessant coughing...

But in exchange for that, I've had 4 extremely fulfilling days exploring the sights of Perth and living the life of a local.

Arrived at about 11pm on Thursday night so didn't get to do much except have an orientation around Matt's place. I like his place, spacious and specifically built for parties. I can only imagine when we have a full on party there one day.....

So on Friday, I decided to do a makeover for his place, because nice as it was, it was lacking in a few homely touches. Now normally, I'm quite good with working within a budget, but in this case, because I was in a new city, there were a lot of ideas which were unrealised because I didn't know where to get the materials. That aside, I still managed to get a few bits and pieces to leave my territorial markings around the house.

Matt planned for Friday to be a rather hectic evening, where we would start off the proceedings with our usual Friday night drinks. You'd never realise how much you miss those standard end of the week sessions we used to have living in Sydney until you start doing it again. Sure, we've tried having drinks via the webcam, but nothing beats being physically there to be able to clink a glass. And yes, Matt did give up his daily session of Home and Away to have the balcony session with me.....whoa lucky me!

Next its off to a secret restaurant location which I am unable to reveal because we are selfish beings and have decided to make it our restaurant, so no one will ever know its name or location. You'd probably be able to see from the photos that it is a riverside restaurant which serves fantastic Italian food and affordable wine. Yup, thats all the clues you're gonna get....

Fantastic views

I had the pasta pescatora (seafood pasta with wine wine sauce). Matt had the prawn and beef skewers (the best grilled beef I've had in ages) and we shared the Fritto Misto (fried seafood selection)

I really couldn't wait for this photo to be over...that was the 2nd bottle of wine (after you add up the equivalent of 1 bottle we had at home for the balcony sessions.)

It was a truly wonderful night!

After dinner, we were off to The Court Hotel for some music festival style clubbing. You should be able to tell from the video why I think it is festival styled (i.e. unstable stage, open air dancing arena, 1 mirror ball and about 300 excited punters plus BRILLIANT music). This was where we ordered 2 more bottles of wine, was bloody cheap for a night out, we paid $35 for the concert and then $27 for grog each. You could have easily spent that in an hour clubbing in Singapore.

We decided that 4 bottles of wine in 1 night was enough drinking for the entire weekend so we decided to don some sexy gear and get active. So we hired some bikes and went on a two hour riding trip around the river. Was really fun and reminded me of our trip to Paris where we did a cycling trip around the city....

Ok, anyone noticed this blog entry is so boring? I've just read it again and it almost made me fall asleep. It doesn't convey the excitement and fun I've had for my trip there.

Why?

Because its difficult.

Its difficult to live apart after living together for 5 years.

Its difficult to leave a place I've very quickly grown attached to.

Its difficult to go from extreme fun to extreme boredom in a space of 5 days.

During the course of our chats, we were wondering how much more of this we can take, the emotional roller coaster of having to part after a few days of fun together, of smiling one minute and then nearly bursting into tears the next, of not being able to be there for each other physically after a bad day at work (there are limitations to webcam hugging), of the physical (Matt) and emotional (Grandmaster) loneliness. After staying a few days at his place, I can see why Matt sometimes gets really bored and frustrated there. I don't know if I would handle it as well as him if I were living alone for the first time.

However, the good thing is that we are willing to talk about it rather than bottle it up. Come and think of it, we are not really trapped. No children, no mortgage, not much debt so we can change the situation around very quickly if we needed to. But the question is do we want to? Is there a reason why we are apart, so we can grow closer? Is this period apart helping us to move closer to our dreams? Am I back in Singapore to tie up loose ends so we can move forward?

Many unanswered questions, but I have complete faith we will ride through this and come out of it stronger than ever.

On my last day, I spent the morning and afternoon preparing large batch of meals and freezing them so Matt can enjoy a home cooked meal whenever he wants instead of doing takeaways all the time. Just doing that made me emotional again, as I remembered the countless fun meals we had in front of the TV. I wished I could cook enough meals to last him for 2 years, but we all know that is not possible. I just want to make it easier for him during this difficult transitional period and hopefully some of my frozen pastas and fried rice will do the trick......

Not an easy blog entry at all.

Chewing The Fat

2009-03-10T23:15:00.011+08:00

A bit tired so a short post ok?

Last night, I decided to run into my town centre (equivalent to a suburban Westfield) to exchange some Aussie dollars to revive Australia's flagging economy. Along the way, I was also summoned by my mum to help her get some rice (yes, you know that staple that Asians tend to eat a lot of?) from NTUC (Singapore's answer to Coles). As I was strolling quietly along the aisles, I was stopped short by a sight so powerful, the bag of rice I was holding dropped onto the polished floor with a loud "thud"!

Only $2.80!!!

Half hour later, the final piece!!!!

Are you kidding? I could never have finished a whole pack on me own! I only had 2 pieces and I was rather sick of it. That's not to say I won't finish the pack in due time......

Speaking of eating, my company recently sponsored for a voluntary health check for all employees, which was really good value cos you only pay $13 for a full body checkup. I am happy to report that my health is in good order, cholesterol, blood lipids, blood sugar etc all normal.

However, there were certain parts in the report that didn't read so well.

"You have a higher risk of getting diabetes because :"

"YOU ARE OBESE"

"You have an increased risk of getting coronary heart disease and a heart attack because :"

"YOU ARE OBESE"

"You have an increased risk of stroke because (you guessed it!) :"

"YOU ARE OBESE"

According to the report, my ideal body weight should be in the range of 49.2 to 60.8kg (pfffttt!)
I currently weigh 75kg, so I only need to lose between 15kg to 25 kg to be considered healthy....

Dear stupid person who wrote the report, lets put things in perspective here, shall we?

An obese Singaporean

Other obese people

What a difference a year makes.......

2009-03-07T19:00:00.003+08:00

Scene 1 : 9:00pm Sydney, Oxford Street, 7 March 2009

Lots of screaming
Lots of streamers
Lots of 90% naked men and 50% naked women roaming the streets
Lots of alcohol in apartments facing Oxford Street
Some apartments may even be showing off drag talents

Scene 2 : 6:00 pm Singapore, Toa Payoh, 7 March 2009

Deafening thud of the main door closing
Spotless apartment
100% clothed man (me) and woman (mum) confined within the house
Some alcohol (I bought a bottle of Chilean wine for $18.80, not too bad)
A single determined blogger within this apartment.

What a difference a year makes.
Last year Matt and myself were the most stressed (and dressed) creatures ever to roam Oxford Street and look at us this year....and now.....

Matt's gonna hang out at NorthBridge for his dinner.
I'm gonna be at home finishing off my work so it doesn't accumulate when I spend my weekend in Perth next week (yeah!!! back to aussieland for 4 days....)

I went to the gym just now (yes I go to gyms on weekends now becuase I need to feel that I've actually stepped out of the house) and was stuck because of the rain. So I decided to call Matt.

This was how our conversation went.

Me : "Harlow Mr Sleepy Head, you feeling better today?"
Matty : "yah, better"
Me : "Are you feeling depressed cos its Mardi Gras and both of us are apart and not doing much?"
Matt : " yeah...sort of want to be there and also maybe not, am a bit confused"
Me : "Yeah, feels strange no one is calling us constantly today eh?"
Matt : "Yeah"
Me : " Anyway, whats the program next week when I get there......"

And that was it. 3 sentences and the Mardi Gras topic was swept out of the way.....

I guess because we've been doing it for so many years, it is kind of refreshing that we are not doing it this year.

Then again Mardi Gras for us has always been a gathering of friends and relatives for a great time together, sad to say, its never been about the parade (Matt and me have not seen the full parade for the last 4 years) so I must say (ok you betta save this page before I decide to remove it tomorrow) that I actually miss being in the thick of the action.........

I also miss being the centre of attention at this time of the year. Look at me now, sob, sob, alone in my room drinking Chilean red wine (which isn't too bad for $18). Its ok, the divas will rise again.

In Singapore?
In Perth?
or in San Fransisco?

We shall see.........

Complacency or Conceit?

2009-03-05T22:45:00.002+08:00

I haven't really caught up with my local friends since I've been back. Don't know why, but every time I've been back, it was for a holiday, and I'd be rushing to catch up with everyone, nary even having 1 second for myself. So this time, I thought I'll put myself first, taking in all of Singapore before I attempt to catchup with the rest. Now it has been 2 months since I've been back and how many friends (discounting the one work colleague I knew from my days in Sydney) have I caught up with?

None.

Why? I don't know.

Because I am high and mighty, having returned from a successful working stint in Australia and am therefore better than everyone else? No.

Because both myself and my life has changed dramatically in the last 7 years and I am no longer on the same wavelength as my old mates? Possibly.

Will I ever be as good friends with them as I was before? Depends on my course of action, whether I want them to know every aspect of my life.

OK, enough self questioning.

Had a surprise call from Mr G the other. His timing couldn't have been more perfect. The first was when I was seconds away from having my first work meeting of the day. The second as I was 5 minutes into my warm up set at the gym.

He called, firstly to find out how I was doing, so I gave him a 5 minutes non-stop remix of my life in the last two months. The only reason why I was able to summarise my life in 5 minutes is because he reads my blog every single day, even when there are no updates. He just goes into the history pages and re-reads them. Sad, but true. But if I ever become famous, he can be the first to audition for my BFF reality TV show.

The second thing he wanted to find out was the incident that rocked Singapore and Australia about 3 weeks ago. If you are close enough to me and my gang, you would have known what happened. I am not about to reveal some one's private issues online, but that is not the primary area of concern here, remembering this is a self promotional blog about me and nobody else.

Now Mr G and I have been friends for about 7 years now. He was my original sidekick when we were still fresh meat on Oxford Street. It was always fun hanging out with him because he used to get all the attention in the clubs, mostly unwanted and I always had a good laugh watching him fend off fugly advances. I, on the other hand, was the go getter, always there with a mission and always reeling them in with my bait and tackle.

Some people think we have a strange kind of friendship. I don't know 100% of his personal life, he doesn't know 100% of mine. I don't call him everyday, sometimes not even for months. I don't know his exact whereabouts every second and I don't need to know why he doesn't come to the Shift when I ask him.

Yet, somehow, it works. Every important occasion, he was there. He didn't need to make a scene to be noticed, all I knew was that he was there. He even managed to make Rowinda look good on camera, that itself is a challenge. Plus I get free Nike merchandise and invites to gallery openings from him. Yes, makes me sound quite parasitic, but life is never fair is it?

So when I made the move to Singapore, I was wondering if the distance and the lack of interaction would diminish our friendship.

All it took was that one phone call last week to dissolve all the doubts. We had a good old chin wag, even talking on my hands free set while I was doing my warm up set on the cross trainer. Half of the gym was looking at this strange boy on the phone laughing and chatting in his pseudo Australian accent (they never would have guessed he was talking to another Singaporean) while huffing and puffing on the machine.

I didn't care.

All I wanted to do was chat and laugh.

Thanks for the call Mr G. And please go and bloody buy an APPLE phone card from 7-11 so you can call me more often. Cheaper lah!

A wiseman once said.....

2009-03-05T22:42:00.002+08:00

"There is no point in revamping your blog unless you are going to update it fast enough so that people who love and care about you truly understand what you are going through in life now instead of having to worry and second guess whether you are happy, sad or simply still alive."

Heed the words of the wiseman.....

Blog, you lazy bugger.....

So Embarrassment......

2009-02-23T22:12:00.004+08:00

I've had an exceedingly overwhelming response to my new blog layout! 50% of you liked it so far, another 50% were split between having a bad day and not having much of a choice. Thank you to all four of you who voted and the remaining 70 million of you who were too shy to do it.

I am now on a serious PR drive to push up my readership. My campaign manager of choice is, of course, Mr Matthew Lyons, who will be coercing his world wide network of friends and acquaintances to check out my blog every single day. This will push up my stats and give me a false, but much needed, sense of security.

YOU! can play a part too! Tell your friends! Unite your sisters! Burn your bras! Make me the celebrity I truly deserve to be!

I thought the best way to do it would be to go against my morals and sign up with FaceBook. And guess what? My registered name of choice, GrandMaster Wong, got rejected by the automated system! Its just not meant to be, me and Facebook are like sworn enemies from our last lives.

Had to go to Malaysia for work today. Colleague drove about 2 hours to get to where we needed to go. Did I mention before I don't like Malaysia much? Its "village stuck in the 50s" mentality is a bit too much for me. Anyways, I was there for a rather (self) important meeting but I decided to dress down as my clients are "non-suits" who prefer a more casual, friendly type environment to discuss business in.

So there we were, just sitting in the board room talking about specifics of the project when I realised something that made me cringe!

My polo shirt was worn inside out!

You must know what happens when embarrassment takes over.

First, your voice drops 5 octaves.

Then, you start to minimise your hand movements so no one can see your exposed seams.

You try to act relaxed and sink lower and lower into your chair to stop people from noticing the intricate thread patterns of your shirt logo.

You are not sure whether to excuse yourself to go to the toilet.

All the nervousness makes you want to go to the toilet.

You start breaking out in sweat even though you are sitting in front of the air conditioner.

The final straw was when my female colleague was presenting to the client, made eye contact with me, saw my shirt, stopped mid sentence, and then continued with a wider smile than before.

I wish I could have melted into a pool of non-existence.

An excruciating half hour later, the meeting ended and I finally excused myself to go to the toilet and flipped my polo over and heaved a sigh of relief. Great, no more embarrassment.

As we said our goodbyes and shook hands with the 3 clients, I noticed every single one of them looking at my polo shirt logo.

It has switched sides.

P/S : Let me know via the chatbox on the left whether you guys want the comments tab back! And Mr G, no I didn't get the comment. Did you leave it in my new blog layout?

It's Finally Here!!!

2009-02-22T18:39:00.002+08:00

Now all your prayers have been answered. The brand new GMW blog is live and running!!!

Well, granted its not perfect yet (banner size, can't choose my own playlist etc...), but it will be eventually!

Take your time to explore every pixel and let me know all your positive comments!

That's all for today, don't wanna overwhelm you guys......

Thank you Fairy God Cousin!

A brand new blog in exchange for a few curry puffs (I bribed her with them) is a good deal!

Fragility

2009-02-15T08:18:00.002+08:00

Hello Mystery Blogger / Stalker / Hacker!

Well, well, well, what a pleasant surprise! A Happy Valentine's to you too, although I still insist that it is a rather stupid concept to have only one day to explicitly show your love for your other half. Me thinks it should be re branded as a novelty day and be celebrated only by those who are in love for the first time or are still trying to fall in love (desperately). But saying all that, it still feels nice, warm and fuzzy inside to know that you are wanted.

Almost a month and half with 2 hearts split over two lands and we have both learnt a little bit more about each other. And we thought we already knew everything there was to know. Admittedly, it is more difficult for mystery blogger to move to a totally new place and to build up social networks again from scratch. In my case, it was much easier as I was going to be surrounded by my family. However, that's not to say that I don't slump into mini depression mode once in a while. When you are apart, feelings, both good and bad are bound to be magnified. Small little things can set you off or make you delirious. All we can do is to try to make the best of cheap phone cards, web cams and daily SMSes to ease the physical and emotional distance.

And the scientific me is happy to report that for the last month, we have achieved 98% Happiness, 2% Minor Dissatisfaction. The 2% dissatisfaction score stemmed from housing infrastructure (1.2%) and work communication (0.8%) issues. However, both issues have been quickly resolved and we are striving to achieve a 100% next month.

Ok, this is a rare chance for you readers to see my philosophical side.

I think,

Relationships can be so fragile.
Time can be a two edged sword for relationships.
Its a cliche to say this but its like a little seedling.
When you provide the right amount of light, water and fertiliser, it keeps growing.
Too much, you smother it,
Too little, you deprive it.
Every one's relationship is different
There are no fixed rules.
You set the rules.
It takes 2 hands to produce a thunderous clap, although some prefer 3 or more.
I've seen relationships build up and break down around us in the last 10 years.
Some are still being built up, others are breaking down rapidly. That's life for ya, always changing, never static.

All I want to say in this very serious post is that I've found the missing jigsaw piece that completes the picture, and I am going to do my very best to stop this puzzle from falling into a million bits (with lots of help from the mystery blogger, of course).

Ok, for something completely different. I am now an official computer nerd. I just spent 3 hours of my weekend at a computer superstore and about $300 upgrading my computer. Now, it is much faster, has a wireless keyboard and mouse and a 640GB external hard drive!!!! I am in geek heaven!!! That's a good thing about Singapore, it allows me to step out of the technology closet, for a good price too! To make sure you guys reap the rewards as well, I will be hurrying my blog revamp by working on it today and hopefully by next week it will be all loaded up......

And by the way, I have been called many things but never "precious" (see comment on last blog entry), so I betta make sure I check. ("PPPRREECCIOUSSSS........" reminds me of Gollum in Lord of The Rings!)

pre⋅cious /ˈprɛʃəs/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [presh-uhs]
–adjective 1. of high price or great value; very valuable or costly: precious metals.
2. highly esteemed for some spiritual, non material, or moral quality: precious memories.
3. dear; beloved: a precious child.
4. affectedly or excessively delicate, refined, or nice: precious manners.
5. flagrant; gross: a precious fool.
–noun 6. a dearly beloved person; darling.
–adverb 7. extremely; very: She wastes precious little time.

I'm insisting that only meanings 1, 3 and 6 are applicable to us.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYONE

(and hoped you did something meaningful for your relationship other than injecting your hard earned moolah into the flower, chocolate and restaurant industry)

Direct from SingaPerth / A Mystery/ New Beginning

2009-02-14T06:35:00.009+08:00

I was sitting at work on Friday the 13th which is black Friday for some and I guess pink for others working away when Postman Pat arrived with a mysterious letter, not really taking much notice I thought about opening it but then my mind was thinking stalkers, development site workers and plain bad bois with a motive and thought what could it possibly be as I wasn't waiting on anything from customers and no one really knows my work address better still send me anything!
After deciding whether to open it or have security investigate the letter I then noticed something else, the stamps were alien too.
After careful consideration and contacting my dear friend Constable Charlie Buckton I decided to open the letter to see what the mystery was, what I found was a beautiful hand made,smudged letter which I must say touched my heart and brought me back in time where emotions are in the words and a time of when letters were the only communication.
After a few passwords fondling and codes breaking and being Feb 14, I didn't send any card or message due to red tape, but just want to say wishing you MARTYN a very HAPPY & SPECIAL VALENTINES DAY:) and know that even though I wake up in a empty house I know you are always with me.

See you next time for life in Perth and who knows maybe a tale of two countries or even a weekly review of Home & Away.

Your mystery Blogger

The disgusting blog!

2009-02-01T02:17:00.010+08:00

DISCLAIMER :Ok for those of you with weak stomachs (especially those from Australia), please, please refrain from reading this blog entry.....

Now that you've got your smelling salts and strong mints with ya, let's begin.....

It was a typical Friday night. I went to the gym after work, had a bloody intensive workout (will post nude pics of myself very soon, say in about 12 years time), got really hungry and called mum to find out what she was doing for dinner.

Ok, digressing here, I must be one of those few sons left in the world that would call their mum to find out what they are doing on a Friday night. Yes, I do admit that I may not have a life (yet) outside of Sydney, but my mum is one of the few people that is not out in a bar on a Friday night, and as I am now in a extreme saving mode (I have to save 100K by the time I return to Australia for good), Mum seems like a pretty good choice for a Friday night out.

Anyways, yes, she was free, and we decided to go to one of our neighbourhoood eateries to have our dinner.

So mum ordered stirfried rice noodle and I ordered "Western Food", which was basically a half fried chicken, small portion of coleslaw and a small bowl of fried rice. How "Western" it was, I wasn't so sure, because I don't think people in Rome would actually be having something like that everyday...

So me and mum were happily eating our meals away when I felt something was wrong....I used the tip of my tongue to feel the top of my tooth and it felt chipped....

AND THEN I REMEMBERED!

THE FILLING FOR MY FRONT TOOTH WAS GONE!

"Why do you have a filling for your front tooth?" you ask.....

Well, 8 years ago, when I was a young, dumb and straight uni student, as I was coming home from a heavily intoxicated session from the university bar [where drinks were cheap, imagine $2.50 for a mug(schooner, geez fuck you all, now I have to provide translations for Australia and Singapore) of beer] and I was strongly encouraged by one of my gym buddies to do push ups as a dare while walking past the university gym.

Being the heterosexual butch (and intoxicated) male that I was, I took the challenge up. On my 18th push up, I was panting and had my mouth open and my teeth jutting out.

The front row of my beautifully aligned tooth hit the ground with a heavy thud....

0.8 cm of the right front tooth flew across my eyes and landed itself about 6 cm in front of my face.

I did not remember seeing it, but I certainly felt it.

But alcohol was my morphine that night, and because of that, I did not scream out in pain.

The next morning, I woke up with a massive headache, and it wasn't because of the intoxication.

I looked at the mirror and I almost fainted.

I did not brush my teeth that morning.

Ok, now, lets get back to reality. I had my tooth filled at a Singapore dental clinic when I came back. That cost me $158. It lasted me for 8 years, so its not too bad. About $20 per year.

The scary thing was that when I felt that my filling was gone, I tried looking for it in my food. Nope, couldn't find it. I tried searching the insides of my mouth/cavity and it wasn't there as well.....

So there was only one place the filling could have ended.
In my tummy.

I was getting worried. Headlines for the Straits Times (Singapore daily) ; "Exceedingly Handsome Man dies from swallowing his right front tooth filling, fillings from China now banned!"

Then I remembered reading somewhere that even if you swallowed razor blades, the stomach acids are strong enough to break it down....so I'm saved...for now.....

2nd disgusting thing to share.

Singapore has always been a country that goes for trends and fads. It is so Americanised you wouldn't believe it. Starbucks, Ben and Jerry, Wendy's, Swensens, Burger King, Sizziler (spell check please...) are all mainstays of youth culture.

But I have to stop at this. Tell me what you think the picture below is about.

Ladies and gentlemen....prepare yourself for fish spa. This is what Wikipedia says....

"This article is about the freshwater fish used for treatment of skin diseases, notably in Kangal district, Turkey. For the species sometimes called doctor fish in the UK.

Doctor fish is the name given to two species of fish: Garra rufa and Cyprinion macrostomus. Other nicknames include nibble fish, kangal fish,little dermatologists and doctorfishen; in non-medical contexts, Garra rufa is called the reddish log sucker. They live and breed in the outdoor pools of some Turkish spas, where they feed on the skin of patients with psoriasis. The fish are like combfishes in that they only consume the affected and dead areas of the skin, leaving the healthy skin to grow, with the outdoor location of the treatment bringing beneficial effects. The spas are not meant as a treatment option, only as a temporary cure for symptoms, and patients usually revisit the spas every few months. Some patients have experienced complete cure of psoriasis after repeated treatments, but due to the unpredictable nature of the disease, which is strongly influenced by endogenous factors, this may simply be regression towards the mean.
Garra rufa occurs in the river basins of the Northern and Central Middle East, mainly in Turkey, Syria, Iraq and Iran. It is legally protected from commercial exploitation in Turkey due to concerns of overharvesting for export. Garra rufa can be kept in an aquarium at home; while not strictly a "beginner's fish", it is quite hardy. For treatment of skin diseases, aquarium specimens are not well suited as the skin-feeding behavior fully manifests only under conditions where the food supply is somewhat scarce and unpredictable.
In 2006, doctor fish spa resorts opened in Hakone, Japan, and in Umag, Croatia, where the fish are used to clean the bathers at the spa. There are also spas in resorts in China, such as Hainan, Belgium, The Netherlands, South Korea, Singapore, Slovakia Surat(INDIA) and Malaysia. In 2008, the first widely known doctor fish pedicure service was opened in the United States by John Ho in Alexandria, Virginia and later in Woodbridge, Virginia, and has trademarked the treatment name of 'Dr. Fish'. [1]. The first Skin Therapy clinic using Garra rufa fish in Ireland (Limerick) was opened in 2008. These little dermatologists are used there to give relief to people with various Skin Disorders, including Eczema, Psoriasis and Dermatitis."

Now watch the video....

Ok I think this blog entry needs to be terminated.....

See ya all soon....

And yes, we all speak like that back in Singapore.....

The Neverending Storrryyy...o..o..ohh...o..o..ohh..o..o..ohh....

2009-01-28T20:59:00.028+08:00

Yes, its been a quiet week….for you?

For me, however, its like Katrina has swept through Singapore! Most of you would know that I had a very special guest visiting the hot, humid and lovely Singapore over the last weekend. Yes it was

MATT!

and in case you’ve missed it,

MATTHEW LYONS!!

It was a rather difficult itinerary to plan for. Firstly, he’s been here many many times and would have done all the touristy stuff. Secondly, he wanted to do some shopping yet most of the shops would be closed due to the Chinese New Year holidays. The only day he could do it was on Saturday. Thirdly, he wanted to go to Little India, now how on earth could I possibly get an oxygen mask during this festive season?

Hang on to your seats as we give you a whirlwind photo tour of Matt’s excellent adventure in Singapore!

Day 1 : Shopping, Shopping and More Shopping
Nothing interesting happened except Matt spent $95 on a shirt, pants and a very nice polo T which I might go and buy for myself…..
Interesting fact ; the lower end clothing chain stores like Bossini and Giordano seemed to have been taken over by Filipino franchisers. I’ve walked into a total of three such shops on Orchard Road and had to resist the temptation to ask “Excuse me, have you penis sweeping the floor?” In fact, I just remembered that the person who signed me up for my mobile plan is also Filipino. So this is the latest updated population structure of Singapore from the most populated to least populated.

Indian

Mainland Chinese

Filipino

Singaporean Chinese

Malay
Assorted ang mohs

Anyways, Matt got whatever he needed on the first day and we finished off the day activities pretty early on. We then met up with David and Lily at Arab Street for some Turkish food which is slightly different from Turkish food in Australia. Whichever is more authentic, I’m not sure. We then did the Sheesha (dunno bout the spelling) which is definitely over rated. You take in a few puffs, you taste the plum and mint flavours, you choke and cough and get a sore throat. Hmmm….I can think of better ways to spend my $12.

Then my glamorous fairy god cousin descended upon us and blessed us with 3 free entries to one of the clubs at Clarke Quay. The free entries equated to $90 worth of savings (cover charge was $30 each).My friend by association David Do Do managed to catch some of the fairy dust that was floating around and was also admitted into this somewhat exclusive club (you’ve got to be someone to be able to pay $30 to a club no one’s ever heard of). Anyways, the night started out pretty staid but descended into mayhem as the drinks flowed. The proceedings had even more ups and downs, twists and turns than an episode of Lost. I will not provide any more details due the personal nature of the incident, but all those who were present must certainly agree that the drama was well worth the $30 (which we didn’t pay).

Then a quiet ride home on the taxi yeah?

Nope. Three of us were queuing up at a makeshift taxi stand when we noticed a long line of taxis waiting to drive up to the exact spot where the queue started. Things could really speed up if the people at the front of the queue would walk a couple of meters to the cabs behind and board them. So we politely asked these two pretty girls in front of us to walk up to the cab so more people could get into cabs quicker. Well, well, some pretty girls should never ever open their mouths!

“What for? Why we want to walk when they can drive up here ha?” Pretty Girl 1 said, struggling to construct her sentences in her inebriated state.

“Yah, that wat they here for what…” Slightly Uglier Girl 2 monkeyed…

The weather was slightly humid, I was slightly drunk and I got slightly angry.

“Just walk up lah, there’s lots of people waiting, let’s speed things up leh” I cooed…..(notice my ocker English which I’ve spent almost a decade cultivating in Australia is slowly giving way to my native tongue)

Then all hell broke loose

“Wah lau eh, why you keep telling us to walk up har? You want to walk, you walk lah? JUST MAKE SURE YOU DON’T FUCKEN GET INTO OUR TAXI AH! I TELL YOU. FUCK! DON’T COME AND KERCHAO (translation : disturb, harass) US CAN OR NOT!”

Jesus Christ……

I kept calm, walked up with Matt and David, and started to open the taxi “that was meant to be theirs” and gave them a lovely smile.
Flames engulfed them. I then walked off to the next cab, got in and waved goodbye to them lovely girls as we zoomed passed. Blurred images of some middle fingers flashed before my eyes.

Happiness is knowing you’ve had the last laugh.
Embarrassment is knowing you have brought yourself down to primary school level behaviour.

Whoa, I’ve written so much! And its only Day 1….maybe I will continue Day 2, 3 and 4 as a separate entry.

No actually, I will soldier on….I wanna break my own record for the longest blog ever…..

Day 2 : Temples, Food and Family

Traditionally, Chinese New Year’s eve is almost as important as the actual day itself. Reunion dinners are held at all Chinese homes across the country where it is mandatory for family members to come together and sit down for a dinner together. This includes prodigal sons who have returned from working overseas (like me) and adopted foreign godsons (like Matt).

The mad rush started from 1 pm on New Year’s Eve when we have to bring the food which mum has prepared since early morning. These will serve as offerings to our ancestors who have passed on because they need to have a party once in a while too. Matt has seen it before but it still never fails to amaze him the trouble the living will go through for their dearly departed. From 10 course dinner offerings, to cigarettes and even beer of a certain brand, the people certainly knew how to pamper their relatives’souls. I’ve grown up with these scenes, so its really nothing fascinating for me, but it was certainly interesting for Matt to see millions of hell notes, paper replicas of mobiles, Prada eyewear, iPods and even Louis Vuitton bags being burnt and “transferred” to the other world. A question I have been often asked is whether all Chinese go to hell, otherwise why are the living always burning them hell notes. I’ve never really gotten an answer, but I presume its because all things are free in heaven, its only in hell you need to bribe your way out of punishment. Because the family members aren’t sure where their ancestors might have gone to, its best to burn them some hell notes just in case its needed. Also, an iPod is needed to muffle out the screams and howls in hell, and a Louis Vuitton bag would never go out of fashion, even in hell.

Welcome to the world of paper

The Chinese have also found a novel way of communicating with the spiritual world. You take two crescent moon shaped wood pieces that is half round with a flat base. You ask a yes/no question and throw these crescents in the air. When a piece lands with the flat base facing up and the other facing down, it means Yes! You could practically ask any questions with these, like whether the 2008 Summer Collection Louis Vuitton bag was the one 2nd Grand Auntie wanted, or if Uncle John liked listening to the best of 1970s on his iPod. But the most important question most people would be asking is whether the souls are done with the food so the humans can all pack up and go home for their dinner…..

And we did pack up, after asking only twice (which isn’t too bad, considered we waited half an hour last year).

After the souls have feasted, its time for the humans to do it. And feasted we did. The perennial joke was for mum to “force” Matt to try the braised mushrooms she made, and the perennial answer Matt would give was a polite no.
*cue canned laughter*
*cue eyeballs rolling*

Nice dinner (as usual), nice drinks, great company. Matt is becoming the darling of the family…..ggrrr….what about me? It isn’t fair, I’ve had enough and I want my share…….

Day 3 :Heat, Queues and that Damned Island!
Now I’ve mentioned that Matt has been to Singapore a fair few times now, but he hasn’t been to the most touristy area of them all. Noting that, me and mum decided to bring him over to Sentosa island and have a look.

Nothing in the world would have prepared us for the scene at Harbourfront MRT station. It was like someone’s thrown gold coins on the streets or something. For its claim to fame for efficiency, Singaporeans can be quite stupid at times. Many exits were shut off (for crowd control so said one of the station wardens…) at the train station and we were herded along like sheep to the next nearest exit (which was stupid and dangerous). I swore if any of us lost our footing, we would have been trampled upon by millions in their desperate attempt to get over to Sentosa island.

There are 4 modes of transport into Sentosa island which we could consider.

Shuttle bus. Nope. Queues were too long, would take at least 30 minutes to get onto a bus which only take 5 minutes to cross into the island.
Monorail. Nope. See above.

Walk. Not in the fuckin blistering heat.

Cable car. Nope. Acrophobia. Period.

So the trip was wisely cancelled. If that many people were going into Sentosa, the same people would be queuing up for 25 minutes at each attraction. I have never seen so many Indians in me life. Except maybe in Little India on a Sunday night.

So mum decided to bring Matt to a very famous Chinese temple, where many Chinese would go to offer their well wishes to the Goddess of Mercy during the festive season. When we got there, it was packed as well, and the police had to ration people into the temple batch by batch. Otherwise the temple would well and truly collapse. I'm sure I have a video of this somewhere, will upload once I find it. We did not end up going into the temple, just prayed outside…..

Then we decided to go watch a movie, but when we got there, there were only front row seats left, so we decided against it. Then Matt had a brilliant idea.

“Let’s go to Little India, I want to eat rice on a banana leaf…”

My nose started imploding. Little India is not a kind place to my olfactory senses.

I said yes anyway. Because I care for Matt so much, I wanted him to experience Singapore as a whole, for its good and its bad…smells.

So we trotted down to Little India. And surprise surprise…it wasn’t that bad….The nasal assault I was expecting turned out to be pretty mild. I guess it had a lot to do with the fact that it was in open air, not closed up and air conditioned like a bus or MRT train. As we explored through the little back streets, we came across a strange sight. Its like we were transported back to the 1940s where Indians labourers weren’t allowed into English colonial bars. However, in this case, the bar was actually a backpackers pub loaded with white people. There was an outdoor area which was fenced off and there were tonnes of Indians pressed against the fence, watching something. As we got closer we found that they were watching white people play pool. Looks so interesting I just had to take a photo.

We then found a real nice restaurant and had a fantastic meal there, cost us about $25 including beer, expensive by Singapore standards, but delicious nevertheless. Pity he didn’t get to eat the rice on a banana leaf. We’ll have to leave that for the next trip.
That was it for day 3

As for day 4, I have to quickly summarize as my fingers are well and truly tired by now.

Brought Matt to my workplace. Alas, it was locked up and all we could do was to see it from the outside, much like the Indians from Day 3.
Outside my workplace

Went and watched a depressing movie Rachel Getting Married. I am a sucker for Oscar nominated movies and Anne Hathaway is nominated for Best Actress for this. Never underestimate the power of a depressing film on your mood, especially when it’s our second last day together until a few months later.

Met Lily and David for a Japanese dinner. I was really hungry and ordered a large bowl of curry noodles. I am proud to admit that I finished it all by myself.

Then we went home and had a glass of wine with mum.

That was the conclusion of Matt’s Excellent Adventure in Singapore.

He just flew off a few hours ago.

My room is strangely silent.

Watch This Space!

2009-01-21T22:43:00.004+08:00

Dear faithful readers, we have some exciting news coming!

The Chitty Chatty Boing Boing blog, after tirelessly serving the celebrity news hungry crowds all over the world for 3 years, has decided like with all aging and sagging celebrities, we are going to have a nip here and a tuck there....

That's right, this old girl is going for a face lift to look three years younger. My cosmetic surgeon is my beautiful cousin, who you may remember as the famous graphic designer who designed the Oscar winning poster for last year's breakthrough indie hit, Challis Avenue.

Some of the new features you can expect to see on the blog include

A younger, snazzier interface to attract more readers, so I am hoping to increase my readership from 8 people to 50 million devoted fans.
A counter so I can track all my 50 million devoted fans.
A poll so you can tell me how to lead my life.
A "What's Playing" music display so you can listen to what I am listening because I always have my pulse on the latest hits.

plus many more.....

When I launch my new interface, I might start video blogging as well, so the first video you are going to see will be me introducing my beautifully decorated room.

I know, I can feel you all shaking with excitement, chanting my name, showering me with flowers, bursting through the barricades to come forward and touch me................

When, when, when?

So when Dr Minipong?

Still Under Construction

2009-01-12T22:40:00.003+08:00

I know I promised to show you guys the made over room last week. The sad truth is, its not ready yet. There's a delay in me getting the wall feature done because I have been too engrossed with going out on the weekends and hence my room is not quite Ikea showroom quality yet. Rest assured that things are moving along and I might even do a blog video special to introduce my "new" room to yous all.....

The reason why I've been so quiet is because I did not want to blog about work last week. The 1st week will always be very emotionally unstable for me, as thoughts of me making the wrong choice would have crossed my mind at least a dozen times a day. This will be reflected in my tone of blogging and I would never want to worry my fans who happen to be spread out all around the world now.

So this week I am calmer and here I am.

It is a bit of a work culture shock to say the least. I realised that I had to pull back quite a bit on my work attitude and ethics with this job. The working hours are officially between 8:00am to 5:30pm, but no one ever leaves before 6:00pm. Not that you couldn't, but the system will eventually force you into submission and your body clock will be tuned to only think about leaving after 5:55pm. Well, at least I get an hour's lunch to compensate for it, and trust me, unless you have something that requires really urgent attention, everyone takes the full hour for lunch.

Secondly, this new role requires me to manage 2 staff members. Although we will be doing different projects, I have to understand and know their projects inside out, so when they come to me for advice, I will be able to at least carry on a conversation with them. The two staff members are alright. I've heard everyone's public appraisal of them but I try not to let it cloud my judgement too much. As Matt said to me on the phone tonight, "work is work, keep the emotions for your friends and loved ones". In the end, their performance reflects my efficiency as a manager. People cannot be difficult all the time, it'll be too exhaustive. It is a young team, and hence the dynamics are a bit different from my last team. And because we service small businesses, I have spoken more Chinese in the last week than I have in my 10 years in Australia. I reckon my Chinese has improved about 200%.

And I just found out today my KPI is to hit $65K for the next financial year for the company....hmmm....

I just realised I've been keeping my camera in my bag for too long. Its time to bring it out for a spin. I think I will take some pics of me at work so you can see my working environment.

I know this post is not very funny and even somewhat technical.

Its 11pm.

I'm tired.

Miss Matt.

Get over it.

Ten Commandments for this part of the world

2009-01-03T18:48:00.004+08:00

Alternative title : How to make Singapore a better place than it already is.

Thou shalt not rush into train carriages before outgoing passengers have stepped out of the trains.
Thou shalt not pretend to fall asleep when sitting in a priority chair meant for the needy when an old lady boards the train.
Thou shalt not drag thongs along the marble floor, creating an irritating slip slapping sound.
Thou shalt not become too engrossed in my high tech PSP play machine and deprive myself of learning much needed social skills.
Thou shalt not queue up for 2 hours just to be part of the latest trends e.g. durian (a stinky exotic fruit exclusive to South East Asia) desserts, organic whatever and donuts.
Thou shall not charge in excess of $150 for Fitness First monthly gym membership fees.
Thou shalt not charge $8.50 for a mug (halfway between a schooner and a middy) of local beer at a pub/club/lounge.
Thou shalt not pay $28 for a bottle of Jacob's Creek Chardonnay ($11 in Australia).
Thou shalt stand on the left side of the escalator, especially in crowded places where everyone is always rushing off to a life and death situation.
Thou shalt survey around one's personal space when opening up umbrellas in a crowded shelter area when it is storming outside.

Ahh...six days since I've been here, and I am surprised the heat hasn't gotten to me yet. Probably because I came back during the cooler season of the year, I'm surprised I haven't snapped at anyone yet as the weather usually makes me a real grumpy and nasty person ("Martyn nasty? Never!" I hear you say). I am also proud to announce that I have been weaning myself off the air conditioner, tonight being night number 3 I have slept through without turning it on....

The only shock I've had so far was when I checked my local bank account today. Can't believe that I've spent $1000 since I've been here, but it includes furniture purchases to set up my room (which incidentally will be revealed next week, I've only got curtains and wall furnishings to finish off....). By the way, the retail and credit industry here really needs some getting used to. I shall give two examples to highlight what I mean.

Case 1 : I decided to buy a printer, so I went to my local hub (equivalent of Australia's Westfield) to search out some prices. Saw a pretty basic one which I liked, a Canon PIXMA IP198, which costs $149. So I was pretty happy paying that price for an All in One printer which scans, prints, processes photos etc....As I was forking out my $149 at the cashier, the sales person mentioned that there is a $20 cash back promotion for this item. Great, I thought, so it'll only be $129. But wait, there's more....I get a pair of computer speakers with a sub woofer valued at $69 thrown in for free.....yeah!!! But there's even more....the shop which I've bought it from said if I decide to use EFTPOS (its known as NETS here) to pay for my purchase, I'll get a $10 voucher. See? They keep throwing gifts, vouchers, cash at ya. All that just to buy a little computer printer that I needed.

Case 2 : My brother was chatting with me about what credit cards i want to apply for. Apparently I have to choose very carefully, not because I might fall into the credit trap, but more because the benefits for different bank credit cards differ. These banks really throw in a lot of sweeteners to entice you to sign up with them e.g. 20% off purchases in some clothing brands, special benefits for movie tickets, special meal deals at certain restaurants etc...For example, my brother has a AMEX credit card and he was given an additional card called the Raffles Dining card where if he takes anyone to a group of restaurants within the Raffles Hotel (a rather famous hotel which if I am not wrong, is the birthplace of the Singapore Sling) and charge the total bill to card, he gets 50% of the bill if there were a total of 2 people dining, 33% for 3, 25% for 4 and so on. Isn't that great? It basically means you get to dine for free, you just have to make sure the people you're dining with give you back their share of the meal. Of course, the restaurants there rather pricey and is definitely not for everyday dining.

I know I promised last week I would tell more about my trip back. Am too sore (from gyming after halting for 5 weeks) to do it now. Promise you will get the full story by next week yah?

Express Blog

2008-12-31T12:04:00.009+08:00

Somehow, this sign tells me things are going to change for the next few years....

Like everything else in Singapore, this will be a fast moving one.....OK, I need to take a minute to breathe, but I can't because I have to finish this blog in 10 minutes and meet my friend for lunch. Its been a whirlwind so far, and its not showing signs of slowing down.

For those of you who are really interested. yes I did cry, on the plane (for all of 2 minutes). It didn't help that I was listening to Carole King, who seems to have such a terribly depressing voice.

First, a pic of me in my room, which is very messy due to the fact that I've unloaded my shit and left them on the floor everywhere. Poor mum, the room was spotless just 48 hours ago....

Now just to show you how messy it really is....

But fear, not, I have been to IKEA and I will show you the results of the makeover in a few days time. That will be my New Year's present to my faithful readers of the blog, who I am sure will be kind enough to leave a few words on my chat box or comments sections to let me know I am still loved.

I am sorry but this is all I have time for now, if I'm in a bloggy mood tonight, I will tell you about my plane ride into Singapore and all the dramas before that........

Final Weeks

2008-12-18T09:59:00.003+08:00

Hard to believe I've been off work for four days now.

Hard to believe I just had my last corporate Christmas party in Australia last Wednesday.

Hard to believe I'll be gone in a couple of weeks.

As you have expected, my emotions have been a roller coaster in the last few days. Most of you would probably believe that I have been adapting well to my new found freedom, being a man of leisure and all...well you should try packing up a home with more than 5 years worth of memorabilia! I am sure I must have at least thrown away 30-40kg of rubbish accumulated over the years. Most of you who've been to our unit must agree its a very small unit, and where could we have possibly stowed so much rubbish away, well, I just found out didn't I?

My stress levels are directly proportionate to the accumulated chaos in the living room, and as I threw away more stuff, I became more and more relaxed, only to open another door or cabinet and be confronted by more stress....and I thought working was stressful, you must really try packing....

Other than that, I am confronted with the prospect of leaving my loved ones (and enemies I've grown to love), the familiarity, the weather, the freedom of being the only two people in the house etc..etc...

Have I made the right choice?

Is the grass always greener, only to be tainted by the same shit?

No one knows...all I know is that I'll be on a plane out of here soon, and I don't really know how I feel about it.

Yeah sure I'm looking forward to a fantastic farewell party this Saturday. Not that I'm blowing wind up my own skirt [that's a strange expression isn't it?], parties organised by Matt and myself are usually hot ticket property. But the party brings me closer to the departure date, and sometimes I think I will not fully appreciate what I have here until I move somewhere else. Don't get me wrong, I am going back to a great job, cheap food and cheap housing (courtesy of landlord mum). But am I glossing over the impact this might have on my friendships and relationship?

Matt's feeling the same too, except our timings are really in sync so we both never really feel down at the same time. Notice in my last post I was still quite cheerful with the prospect of Matt moving to a great place, a small move up in his career and being in the same time zone meant we can communicate more easily. But as the Christmas season draws closer, I somehow feel slightly responsible for tearing him away from his family.

Matt's probably gonna get a little peeved with me saying what I've just said, as we have spoken about this before that I cannot physically make him do something he does not want to, and he's only really moving because he wants to do something different (and get away from Sydney, but that's another issue). But you know Taureans (and both of us are) cannot help feeling uneasy with impending security threats, not just with financial security, but also emotional security.

Things will work out, they always seem to for us (touch wood). As for now, I will need to resolve my insecurities and move on, like Matt has. He's already booked his holiday for Chinese New Year, two grand weeks after he starts on his new job!

Will post some stuff from the party if I feel like it. Geez, I'm such a downer. I hope I brightened up your day.

Btw, my work Christmas party went really well, I was using it as an opportunity to say goodbye to all the people I worked with, and had an unexpected surprise when 3 senior management came up and congratulated me on 3 separate occasions, offering me my job back if circumstances changes. I was grateful for that and took that as a testament to my work there, but there had to be somebody who is always so negative, saying to me "Yeah, that's management 101!" (meaning they had to say it to me to make me happy, they don't really mean it) Makes me sort of glad that I am leaving all the negativity behind and starting fresh.

I Heart WA

2008-12-04T22:21:00.002+08:00

Why why why?

I thought people said it was small and boring.

Small compared to what? Size is all relative isn't it? Especially when I think Perth is definitely a grower.....

Well there two shopping strips (Murray and Hay St Shopping Mall) which is still undergoing a lot of renovations to add in more shops. So thats twice the size of Pitt Street Mall (which I dislike immensely and will only go for Christmas shopping and emergency birthdays), so thats twice as much needed shopping space yeah?

Well, Matt's mum loves it, all the shopping's sending her on a head spin, but she'll wake up surrounded by her purchases and she'll be in heaven.

4 days here and we haven't found anything we don't like yet...and hoping we never will.

Free inner city bus services are the best idea ever. If that happened in Sydney, I will never need to carry my shopping trolley again. Of course, someone just came up with a brilliant idea to introduce it in Sydney, after Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne and Perth. Very advanced Sydney is, yeah? More advanced than Perth.....

Anyways, no more interstate bitching.

More factory outlet shopping to do in HarbourTown, WA wine to drink, movies to watch, friends to catchup with, famous fish and chips chomping in Fremantle, street partying in Subiaco, suntanning in Cottoesloe, barbequing in parks, night light watching in Kings Park, food stuffing at Miss Mauds, coffee at Dome, shows at the Burswood Entertainment Centre....geez, Perth is really boring....

I HEART Perth!

Everybody Please.....

2008-11-26T19:42:00.002+08:00

use my chatbox on the right hand side of this page.

It is very embarassing when you have a chatbox and the last entry is 18 mar 08.

It creates a false impression that I am not popular at all, which is sooo totally untruuue....

Oh my god, I'm speaking like one of the cast members of the revamped but still shitty 90210.

So please use it ok, even if you have to use different nicknames to make multiple entries....

Thanks.

xoxo,
GMW.

What I might miss

2008-11-26T18:25:00.011+08:00

Got a little emotional going back on the train from Wollongong back to Sydney. Funny how when you are going to another country to live for a few years and the place you are going to miss more is not where you live, but somewhere an hour and a half away.

I've never really mentioned why I've "suddenly" decided to move away elsewhere, but this has been on the cards for a while now. The first hint was the announcement at this year's Mardi Gras Party. (Almost) 10 years in Australia and its time to move on, both emotionally and physically. If I don't detach myself now, I will not be able to grow as a person.

I will miss some things.

The beach.
The weather.
The freedom of independent living.
Some friends.

Things i probably will not miss much.

16 hour days doing factory trials in Brisbane.
People getting bashed up on our street almost every weekend.
Expensive public transport.

I was really excited about going to the GONG last week. As much as I've made out on a few blog entries about the area being exclusive royalty, it really is a place for us to go when we feel like a holiday. Iron Chef and Beryl always makes us feel welcome, from the welcome champagne (with candied hibiscus flowers, no less) to the little touches like bags of treats on our pillows.

We had a great time, but the more I enjoyed myself, the more I started counting down the last days I have left here. Ok, before I start making this out to be like some kind of obituary, I am thankful for the time I've had here. And of course living in Australia has given me the greatest gift I have been blessed to receive. I don't think I have to spell it out for you, if you know me well, you'd know who I'm talking about.

Ok, I must really blog about the Wollongong trip now. Using photo aids.

Some people don't like reading too much, they like pictures. Not enough gray matter to process words.

The lovely day began with a welcome drink of champagne with hibiscus flowers, very spa/zen....that was of course the first in a series of many many drinks that lasted us the whole night.

After the thirst quencher, there was a prize presentation to the current President of the Grandmaster Wong Stalkers Association for her hard work in maintaining the fan club at its maximum membership capacity of 6.

Then there was a nice home-cooked dinner of roast lamb with assorted roast vegetables (no photos here as food disappeared before we had a chance to take the photo). Then there was drinking. And more drinking. And further drinking.

The next day, we woke up to whistling birds and beautiful sunshine, then we realised it was all in our heads. Residual alcohol can have that kind of effect. It was actually cold, cloudy and windy. But we decided to challenge the weather and do something outdoors. What better way to experience the Australian lifestyle than to have a BBQ with a flapping nice tablecloth, flying cutlery, rolling tomato sauce, fraying kitchen towels and sharing our food with a family of seagulls.....

It was fantastic, I enjoyed it immensely, although I did have a Chinese Restaurant moment, with the "waiters" clearing my plates and cutlery even before I've finished my wonderful meal.

I'm a swinger! Under the big blue skies!

Delightful spread. 2 sausages mysteriously disappeared when we were ready to serve. Suspect some white creatures with a liking for chips devoured them at one go.

Ok I admit it. This is a posed picture. I've learnt not to jostle with a true blue Australian at the barbeque plate. The Asian is always going to lose out. But if I were to be doing fried rice here, the Australian will quietly stand back.

Its hard to smile when you have 80km/h winds slamming in your faces.

I know, I know, I have shaved off that silly looking moustache since then. First kept it as a form of rebellion at work, but have since realised it was making me look stupid. I looked like a sleazy young man and I wasn't getting the Justin Timberlake look I was going for. Matt was happy to see it go......

We then went out for dinner that night at a Chinese Restaurant at Shelly's Club. Nice food and rather affordable too, considering we had 5-6 dishes and 2 bottles of wine (yes more drinking...).

And yes, got to catch up with the Lumleys too, which is always fun and often interesting.

Great trip, thanks once again Chef and Beryl....

I just had a light bulb flash in my mind. Why don't we (Chef, Beryl, GMW [wow, sounds posh!] and Matt) set up a bed and breakfast somewhere in Perth? Just a thought.....

Bigger than Australia

2008-11-14T16:24:00.001+08:00

I'm telling you, watch out for the surprise hit of summer.....

Some people are gonna get real famous soon......heheheh

Again

2008-11-14T15:05:00.002+08:00

The vicious cycle repeats itself and comes back every two years to haunt me.

Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, I have lost my mobile phone, yet again!

However, this time round, compared to 2 years ago, I am strangely calm. See below......

http://grandmasterwong.blogspot.com/2006_08_01_archive.html

Firstly, because I have backed up my phone numbers half a year ago, I will only be losing friends I've made in the last half year. So if you've known me for half a year or less, do send me an SMS to the same number if you wish to continue having a pseudo celeb friend.

Secondly, it brings me to the more exciting prospect of getting a new phone....I'd never thought I'll say it, but I am actually considering getting an iPhone when I move overseas. I have never ever been a supporter of Apple products, not because they are lousy, more because of the value. See when iPods first came out, yes, it looked slick and everyone used it as a fashion accessory, but I was peeved that you had to buy 600 other add ons to make it multifunctional e.g. FM radio attachment, voice recorder attachment....So I went and bought a Creative Zen MP3 player instead, which gave me everything I want (except an orgasm) for half the price.

Now, I am ashamed to admit that I have been sucked into Apple's massive marketing vortex of insurmountable desire. The desire to own an MP3 player that is also a phone and video player and PDA. A few of my friends have already got it, and thats all they do all day, play with their phones....I am starting to feel like I am slowly becoming an iPhone zombie, even before I own the phone. This is known as the IVS (iPhone Vampiristic Syndrome) and its already beginning to take effect on me.

My only hope from becoming one of them is its size. While most of the times I like things big, there wouldn't be much space in my pocket to house the massive block of a phone next to my other massive things....

So stay tuned to find out if I ever recover from IVS.

The Moment....

2008-11-05T19:34:00.004+08:00

Yes, I have finally done it!

Walked into work yesterday, bashed my way into the boss' (how the hell do you spell boss's!!!) room, said " I QUIT AND I'M LEAVING RIGHT NOW! "

That, of course, would happen in an episode of Home and Away. My life ain't quite that dramatic.

This was what really happened....

8:30 am : I strolled into work with the intention of handing in my resignation letter to my boss. That is, if I even have my resignation letter ready.

8:34 am : Switched on my computer, sat down, keyed in my password and strolled along to the pantry to make myself a nice cup of calming tea.

8:37 am : Went back to my desk, opened up Internet Explorer and went to Google.

8:38 am : Typed in "sample resignation letter" in search field and hit enter.

8:38 am : 61,867 search results come out.

8:40 am : I picked the second one, where I only needed to insert my name, address and contact number and a ready to use resignation letter is churned out.

8:45 am : Inserted in more details like personal reasons, family etc etc....

8:53 am : Printed the letter off, signed and dated it.

8:55 am : Wrote down my to do list for today, 17 items to complete.

9:02 am : Waited for boss to arrive.

9:03 am : Colleague Number 1 arrived, asked me if I've put it in. Mentioned that boss is coming in, and she looks like she's not in a good mood.

9: 05 am : Shelved my letter and went about trying to complete my 17 things.

10:27 am : Colleague Number 2 come to the lab and asked me if I've put my resignation in. He says : " You must put it in before I leave for my flight today ok? I want to see her reaction."

10:48 am : Colleague number 1 looks at me with anticipating eyes as I walked into the office to get a drink of water. Somehow I feel that today is going to be all about me.

10:55 am : I thought since everyone is so anxious about me talking to my boss, I'll leave it for a bit longer. Just a bit like Australian Idol, "we will reveal who goes, right after this commercial break!"

11:34 am : Walked into Boss' room, closed the door after me. She looked at me in a strange way, eyes widening. Saw me holding a piece of paper and started shaking her head, saying "no..no..no..."I nodded and said "yes, yes, yes...ok let me explain......"

12:14 pm : Conversation ended (details confidential). Resignation accepted.

12:16 pm : Sigh of relief....ahhhh.....

So there you go...a blow by blow account of a rather stressful day at work (but not for long....)

And now, a rather low key announcement.....I'm leaving. Matt's coming, halfway.

Grandmaster's returning to his roots....for a while...

Livevideo = fucked up (Youtube veli veli good!)

2008-10-31T19:47:00.001+08:00

I don't think I need to elaborate on that.....

Are you ready?

2008-10-30T19:59:00.002+08:00

CHALLIS AVENUE TRAILER 1
Have you heard of the mega blockbuster that is coming to a cinema near you this summer? Brace yourself, for the magic is about to begin.....Laydees and gentlemen, from the executive producers of Darlinghurst 902010, I Fucked The Postman (and I liked It...)and Gay Talent Time comes a film so powerful, it will change your waistline....

One more!!!!

2008-10-28T20:02:00.003+08:00

Ai...forgot to include my favourite piece from Sculptures....its hard to describe, its like a metal seagull which seems to glide as the wind blows through it. The video shows how it works, but nothing beats getting down there to see it for yourself. I stood there and stared at it for about 15 minutes....

Ok ok, no more from me......

Non Stop Weekend (Do not read if you are thinking of going to Sculptures By The Sea!!!!)

2008-10-19T19:29:00.030+08:00

Finally, the weekend is over! I'm telling you, this weekend has been the busiest this whole year, having to fit in three major "events" within a space of 72 hours. (Update : by the time I posted this, another weekend has passed. Just for the more "technical" ones amongst youse.....)

The first event was kind of unplanned. One of our friends gave us some tickets to go to Bob Downe's show. For those of you not familiar with the Australian comedy scene, Bob Downe is known as the Prince of Polyester, flamboyant, camp and cheesy male entertainer who likes singing other people's songs with his own lyrics. Of course his show was brilliant, but it also unearthed a gem of a female comedian Jackie Loeb, who did a fantastic repertoire of all the songs ever written in under 4 minutes. And trust me, there were many many songs squeezed into those 4 minutes.

Here's some photos of the Polyester Prince so you get an idea what I'm talking about.....

The next day, we had a sort of quiet afternoon as we prepared ourselves for Nelson's birthday. He planned for drinks and then to ARQ, an exclusive men only nightclub. I can't even remember the last time I went to ARQ, must have been about 2 years ago. Age had a lot to do with it, plus the only mind altering herbs I have now is Earl Grey tea, I don't seem to fit in there anymore....

It was the same thumping music, hard shiny glistening bodies against the mandatory show pole, people smiling for no reason, bored beautiful girls with their fagbags around their arms....exactly the same as it was two years back...very unprogressive, but strangely comforting....we left at 2am, which is very very untypical of Grandpa Lyons and Grandpa Wong.

Then the next morning, it was off to Sculptures By The Sea....Ben you should know this, you saw this when you were here in Sydney last time....heard a rumour that this could be the last year it will be held at Bondi...they are moving to Cock Or Two Island, which is a real piece of shit for an exhibition as fantastic as this.....This is the most accessible art exhibition and they are moving it to an inaccessible island....very smart.....

Now I spent about 45 minutes loading all these photos up, so I don't think I have anymore energy to type in my smart arse lines for each pic. So just enjoy and stop fucking complaining....Geez my mouth is foul tonight.......

Ahhh...Bondi beach on a beautiful Sunday afternoon...am gonna miss this...

This is a funny one. A homeless man living amongst the rocks. Everyone thought he was part of the exhibition and some even asked him about his 'work" Haha...so embarrassment.....

A smudged man. Reminds me of what you can do with your pictures in Photoshop.

Its a bit disappointing there was only one sculpture in the water. There were more in the past years and they were really fantastic. This was somewhat subtle and insipid.

Ok, I've had enough of blogging today....God, my pictures are all over the place....its so difficult to format......Arrggghhh.......

The Many Faces of Grand Master Wong

2008-10-15T19:39:00.007+08:00

I present to you, the ever changing mega celebrity that is the GRANDMASTER.........

Brokeback Wong

Cleopatra Wong

Revenge of The Nerd Wong

Gordon Ramsey Wong

Mini Wong

My multi faceted talent never fails to amaze me......

Do us a favour, get off the TV set!

2008-10-14T20:08:00.005+08:00

I am normally not so emotional about TV characters, but there is this single, irritating pest that needs to be removed immediately from national television to preserve the sanity of millions around Australia.

He thinks he (or his character) is the epitome of masculinity and is God's gift to woman.

Phhfff!!!!

He is the main reason that I now go for my shower at 7pm where I used to be glued to the TV set (sometimes forcefully) between 7 to 7:30pm.

He is singlehandedly destroying all the good reviews the series has been garnering for its storylines. Now whenever he appears on the TV set, I have to look away.

I FUCKIN CAN'T STAND HIM!!!!!

Slimy, green scum of the earth.....

Sexy, masculine male species with a penchant for voluptous ladies

Yes, yes blink your eyes!!

2008-10-13T15:45:00.002+08:00

I am back! In fact, I have never been gone, just had more than my fair share of troubles with internet and phone companies. I should be able to start blogging rather regularly again as I can forecast there are going to be some major changes in my life within the next few months.

I will not talk about it yet as I am waiting for some answers which will determine my fate over the next few years.

But when it comes through, there will be a big announcement via this blog for the 3 of you who actually still read this blog.

I just had a bit of a shock that my good friend Weiweh has quit her job as an architect without having a new job. I think the situation must have been very bad for her to make such a drastic move. Then again, I faced that dilemma about 3 months ago and was ready to walk out.

And with my announcement, I shall be employing my cousin's help to revamp my blog so that it is more me, rather than the generic look that so does not suit me.

Stay tuned yah?

Weekends are good

2008-03-08T22:07:00.002+08:00

Nothing much else for me to look forward to nowadays other than weekends. When you have a shitty job, you'd know how precious weekends become.

Its Saturday midnight as I'm blogging this, but I've had a great weekend so far. Everything thats important to me is around me. Planned a BBQ for my good friend Gordon, who's travelling to Oz land for work. And how far have we progressed.....

I've gotten to know Gordy through my Poly (TAFE for Ozlanders) studies in Singapore. We didn't really connect instantly when we first met cos I thought he was a bit of a bullshit artiste, always had something to say yeah....it was only in my second year at poly when I decided to move towards Food Science that I gotten to know him betta. We spent a lot of time together, with our studies, projects, social outings and stuff and became really good friends through our army times. I remembered celebrating his 21st birthday at the British Club (he was from a privileged background but he never showed it) where I got so pissed from the free flow booze (finished 3/4 of a bottle of vodka neat) that I was throwing up as I was doing guard duty in the army camp(that would have been a jail term offence). After the army, we decided to pursue our food science studies in Sydney, and enrolled together into the uni of New South Wales. Moved into town house with 2 other Singaporeans and finished off our studies.

Would have been great wouldn't it? Of course we had to have some major drama in between.

Now we had 4 Singaporean boys living together with an Australian born Chinese girl.
First try to imagine the sexual tension. (I can guarantee you there was none from my end)
Then the girl decides to open her mouth to talk about sensitive issues i.e. religion.
Things exploded and Gordy got pissed off with the rest of the group.
Problem would have been solved if the girl moved out.
Alas, she's already sucked one of the guys into her web.
Me and Gordy decide not to talk anymore.
Gordy moves out. Still not talking.
Started talking again after half a year, but on a polite/fake basis.
Started talking more genuinely with my visits back in Singapore.

So today was rather significant. We had chats over wine and BBQ. We've all grown up now. Gordon's a father now, I'm in semi married mode. Maturity does great things for your friendships.

I can definitely let that part of my life go now.

And for those of you who are concerned. Mardi Gras went really well last week. Just enough people for us to mingle and host, great weather (about 18-23 Deg C), enough food and drinks. I must say Mardi Gras is a great way to get to know your neighbours better. Those of you who were present would certainly know what I'm talking about.

Ok, more about the Asian trip and MG in my next few posts.

The Heat Is On!

2008-02-10T00:58:00.000+08:00

Bangkok is officially the hottest and most humid place in the world. How anyone can survive without airconditioning, let alone walk for four whole hours the sauna maze that is Chatuchak market is beyond me.

Well, I guess the only reason would be that money goes a long long way around here....Been here for 3 days, and only spent about $200 Aud so far, including all food, transport, shopping (my suitcase is getting full...) which is bloody good considering I'd spend that over a weekend in Sydney.

Here's some examples of typical prices

2 bottles of Smirnoff Black from 7-11 : AUD$3.50
45 minute ride from the airport to hotel : AUD$16
5 course Thai dinner for 4 (with the best ever Tom Yum Goong I've had sinces ages ago, once you've had it here, absolutely nothing in Sydney compares, ring of fire experience the morning after is a small sacrifice for it) :AUD$20

We could really live like Queens here.

I would really love to stay and chat but my eyes are in auto shut mode after walking around Chatuchak market for four hours in the sweltering heat. There is also this very excitable Thai boy playing with some interlinked computer game next to me who's giving me the shits.

I shall provide more details of our trip within the next few days when we get to Hanoi cos apparently there is internet in every room.

Goodbye for nowZzzzzz.......

And we're off!

2008-02-05T13:05:00.000+08:00

Geezz, its been so long since I've blogged and I've actually forgotten my login. Thankfully I remembered at the last minute, otherwise this blog will be as good as dead.

Bloody mad rush today, have a 16 item to do list at work before I depart and 6 hours to finish it. And I must proudly announce that I finished it all, or at least palmed it off to some innocent assistant....I feel so much like the Prada Devil. Now just in case you think I am actaully liking my job again, I don't. Its still shit. Now because I am such a responsible perfect human being, I just couldn't leave on a holiday without finishing things off. Plus I don't want to come back to 600 aggressive emails. Now I can legally fuck off and leave them to their devices. For 2 half weeks at least.

Matt just got pulled up by customs at the airport in a very Border Security moment. Partly my fault, I put some nuts (4 kg to be exact) in his bag as mine was too heavy, and he got into trouble cos they thought it was fish roe. It must be strange for a Caucasian to be pulled up for food, cos its usually the Asians who are good at smuggling food items across borders. He's safe now, and we are minutes away from sipping our Singapore Slings while you mere mortals toil away at your desk....yes I mean you Kelvin....

Ok, almost time to check in now, got a few busy days ahead of us....I should be updating pretty often, whether we'll get photos in or not is another story....

Thanks for your lovely message Hao. Feels great to have a massive fan base from the other side of the world. I've only really known what it feels like to be famous in Australia.

An Ode To A Find

2007-10-01T17:37:00.000+08:00

Friday evening, end of work

Homebound train, 5 minutes due.

Tangara whizzes by, the alert chimes,

Down a level I head, my favourite row.

Newspapers strewn,

Spilled coffee looms,

Dickheads posing as artistes,

scrawling signature views.

But nothing could prepare me,

for the shock that was to be,

for what's lying limp on the laminate floor,

will destroy Australia's moral core

Shiny, silky, thin and stretchy

reclining against the patchy floorin'

You would have thought it was catchy,

until your shoes almost cop a slippin'

I had to take the photo. It was unused, or had an impotent owner.

The Great Southern Highlands Adventure

2007-09-23T17:07:00.000+08:00

Oh damn! I've loaded the photos in reverse order! So we'll have to start with the end of the trip and finish with the beginning.

Iron Chef Chinese (with his yellow robe) entices us with......

a wonderful array of native Australian meats (bacon and sausages), organic free range, omega 3 laden eggs, hydroponic vine ripen tomatoes and home style fresh bread for breakfast on our final day.

You must be wondering what the hell are these photos about? Well, we went to a Vietnamese restaurant that Saturday night, and were whisked off to their function room as the main room was fully booked out. We were debating whether the "function room" was actually the workers' living quarters as evidenced by the luxurious spa in the enormous bathroom (didn't think it was part of the banquet package) and the very rustic Vietnamese way of hanging the paper towels.

Matty in the town of Bowral, only accessible by diligent uphill driving.

Matty enjoying his proffertjoles (I'm sure I've spelt it wrong), dutch mini pancakes. Not very nice, but then I'm never a fan of pancakes anyways.

Ray and Matt having a taste of the regional wine. There were about 4 wineries on display at the food and wine fair in the Tulip Time festival in Bowral. One winery (which shall remain un-named) particularly stood out for its wine flavoured water with alcohol added.

That's what we are here for!

The magical twin tulip fairies

Now I've got to talk about this pie shop.This is the Robertson Pie Shop, situated in, you guessed it, the tiny town of Robertson. It offers the best pies compared to the Sydney ones (yes its better than the Wooloomooloo shit), but the best pies in Australia as it proclaims? I'm not so sure.

This shop saw the start of a very long joke stretching over 2 days with a certain someone poking fun at the Iron Chef about his love for the best pies in Australia. We were even contemplating making a return trip there for breakfast the next day but the idea was quickly shot down by....who else....The Iron Chef!

Come to me, Mouth....Engulf my crusty exterior and moist filling in your hungry little opening......

Ok, Pie!

The Hills Are Alive....With The Smell of Meat Pies!!!!

My latest fetish, cute Cupcakes from Pitt Street Sydney. That's Tiramisu.

Cappuccino

Choc Mint!

Sticky Date

Strawberries and Cream

Cookies and Cream

On the first night of arrival at the Papa and Nana Gong Elephant Lodge, we were treated to a wonderful roast buffet.

Juicy roast pork topped with crunchy crackling, lovely tender steamed baby carrots, three cheese broccoli and cauliflower bake and low fat air roasted potatoes. Yum yum yum!

This was the entree. Chilli seafood bake with a crusty top. Aptly named "6 of the best".

Whats a dinner party without wine? In daisy laced glasses, no less!

Table settings can make or break a dinner party. Only Nana Gong can make this table look so sexy.

And what happens when 4-5 bottles of wine (and soft drinks) have been consumed?

Thank you so much for inviting us down Ray and Rhonda. We enjoyed ourselves tremendously! And of course, it wouldn't have been so much fun without the shenanigans of Mr and Mrs Lum Ley!

So, what did you do last weekend?

Murder and mayhem, welcome to your real life channel!

2007-09-19T20:01:00.000+08:00

Ok is it me or are all the news networks trying to fabricate a real life mystery out of someone's suffering? Ok, young pumpkin gets left at a Melbourne train station and suddenly all the networks are dredging up all the "mysterious" details about the parents and family while the Melbourne police cry like a little girl about being the meat sandwiched between the US and New Zooland police......

Well done to all networks and newspapers capitalising on this, splashing their family pictures on the front pages everyday! The networks must be happy, having this long drawn out story that they can reel people in with, haven't had that since the miners got stuck in a cave, Paris going to jail etc etc....

See how they do it? A little bit of info released everyday, treat them mean to keep them keen...One day the dad is a tai chi master with a very long sword, another day the mother has gone missing....hmm...I suppose little pumpkin doesn't realise she's almost set for life now, given that Woman's Day, Today Tonight, NW, That's Life, A Current Affair will soon be knocking on her door...if only she could talk. Well, even if she couldn't, I suppose she could always have an exclusive photo shoot for some magazine. Maybe Woman's Day can give her a makeover, like what they did with Bindi and Terri Irwin. Make her look like the celebrity she already is....

Speaking of drama, here is one that will beat them all hands down....gosh I thought Keith was bad....

Dream a Little Dream of Me....

2007-09-15T01:01:00.000+08:00

Sometimes circumstances can force you to think of the most unlikely situations where you think you can actually become your own boss! That's right, bossing yourself around, tat would be fun and kind of weird yeah?

Just read me cousin's blog (not technically my cousin, more my niece, but we all get confused in Singapore anyways, cos everyone's an uncle or auntie so everyone should be your cousins), and being the self styled fashionista that she proclaims to be, she would be at the fore front of whats hip and happening (oh gosh, can't believe I'm using such MTV language), I thought I'll have a good guide to some fantastic money making schemes when I do go back to Singapore in about 3 years time. If given a choice, I don't want to be stuck in a 9 to 5 job (which in reality in Singapore is a 7:30 to 6:30 job) when I get back. Having travelled far and wide in the southern hemisphere (i.e. Australia), I'd like to bring some retail ideas that I have seen here in Sydney back to Singapore, and hopefully make a big pile of money without having to answer to anyone....

Have 2 ideas which I will be running through her and will then try to source around for franchise opportunities, or try to attend franchisee courses or something like that so I can get a better understanding of small business running.....Hopefully it'll work out then I can start bossing people around....

Otherwise, I could always work at Universal Studios or the Casinos....in 3 years time.....

P.S. Wah! Record breaking eh? 5 bloody comments in my last blog (including one from myself), you must all love me so much, all 3 of you!

Finally, I hear you all say.....

2007-09-11T19:21:00.000+08:00

Yes, I'm back. And my comeback is gonna be bigger and better than Britney's (which isn't difficult, judging from her brilliant performance at the MTV Video Music Awards, coupled with her classy dress sense....who would have though that fishnets would look so good against blubber...). Whats wrong with these girls? Can't seem to bounce back from celebrity overload can they? I don't remember so many young stars spiralling out of control in the 80s when I was growing up! Madonna had her far share of knocks, but she's never really had a drug or alcohol problem...ok, maybe she's obsessed with working out, but if you've seen one of her concerts, you'll understand why she needs to keep in tip top shape all the time.

Ok, enough of celeb rubbish. I'll like to thank my one and only true fan who said he/she missed me. It'll be great if I know who you are. All the anonymous comments just makes me feel so stalked. As for the rest of you who read my blog in the dark late at night while playing with yourself, maybe its time you put your other hand to good use and leave me some words of wisdom. Leave your filthy thoughts in your mind though, this is a family disoriented blog alright?

Sydney was in major lock down last weekend because of the OPEC (most overused joke this week) and the threat of 200,000 protesters swarming into the city was enough to drive me and Matt to seek refuge in the Australian state that most resembles Singapore i.e. neat, clean and sterile. We caught a lift with Weiweh and John to Canberra early morning Friday. Didn't think it would take that long, but 3 hours later, we arrived to a cold, windy and wet Crowne Plaza Hotel. I found a good deal online where we paid $215 per night, which included a buffet breakfast and $50 to spend on food and drinks within the hotel restaurants and bars. We stayed 2 nights and the room was fantastic. Didn't do much but that was the point anyway, to get away from the hustle and bustle and constant ringing of the phone (serial stalkers/friends, you know who you are...).

I was surprised by the cafe culture in Canberra. Not much of a cafe person myself, I was suitably impressed by the different styles of cafes they have there, from the ultra modern bar/cafe Cream to the rustic 60s styled coffeehouse Essen. Food was pretty alright too, we had Chinese on the first night and a hotel seafood buffet the second (had to spend the $50 voucher). Ok, enough typing, let the pics do the talking....

Halfway through the 3 hour driving trip...was busting when I took this photo....

How do you know you are staying at a four and a half star hotel?

Answer : The room service

Matt loved the soft center chocolate and macadamia tart. I loved the Annie's Lane 2006 Riesling.

How do you know your hotel is different from other snotty self proclaimed best hotel in the world?

Answer : When they have something like this.....

Where else can you get this?

4 choices of pillows!!!??? And....

an extra large King sized bed. Very very comfy....

I love Lake Burley Griffin and its surrounds, very scenic and peaceful, even though its man made.....

Now, a few random typical Canberrian sight seeing shots.....

That's all for now, folks. Knowing my reliability for regular postings, you should savour every word of this blog. Will try to blog soon, but as usual, I do have more important things to do sometimes, like trying to pick out the correct Lotto numbers every week so I can stop working, combing/blow drying/styling my luscious locks, working out at the gym to get my killer bod etc etc.....

Still Here.....

2007-08-07T18:40:00.000+08:00

Lest you think I might have left the country after my last post....

Yes, can't believe it, haven't inputted for about 3 weeks now. Had great difficulty getting over the flu. This year's flu season is so bad, I haven't had any friend that hasn't been hit by it yet. Even at work, at any one time, there's at least a couple of people who are off sick.

Well, its been 2 weeks since Matt's back, and we've been enjoying each other's company. Doing nothing at home. The bloody cold weather doesn't help, most nights (and some days) are just impossible to go out. We've become quite artsy fartsy in the last few weeks, watching 3-4 art house movies over 2 weekends. Saw La Vie En Rose, about the life of Edith Piaf, possibly France's most famous singer in the 40s(???). Very melodramatic, but not over wrought with depressing moments. Now even though I don't know much about her, I was very drawn into movie, mostly due to the absorbing performance of Marion Cotillard in the lead role. I think she has won next year's Oscar already.

Then it was on to something more political, Michael Moore's Sicko, a documentary about the state of health care in America. While I was mildly shocked by the fact that America does not provide free or subsidised health care for its citizens, the movie didn't do much for me. Maybe I've come to expect something more confronting from him. I loved his last movie Fahrenheit 911, but with this one, I was a bit disappointed.

Clubland, a good accessible Australian movie (finally! No more Little Fishes or Jindabynes) with soul and a believable storyline. Although they did have to import an English actress, the young Aussie talents did pretty well in matching up with her performance. Simple well balanced story about a mother who is a faded star struggling to come to terms with possibly "losing" her son to his girlfriend. Highly recommended, except its run is over. Watch it on DVD!

That's it from us this week "At The Movies". We'll see you next week, same time. Bye!

(Why am I talking about movies instead of my favourite subject...myself? Must be going mad!)

PS : Work still in upheaval, my mentor just resigned today. This heralds the collapse of the technical team (because we rely on him so much). Strangely though, I reacted very calmly to the news today. No point crying over spilt milk. Just get on with it. I must say though, having Matt to come home to certainly helps relax me a lot more than 3-4 weeks ago. His support has been invaluable. Can't believe how much I've grown to rely on him........

PSS : Going to Luna Park this Friday for company's end of financial year celebrations. May take some photos and post them here next week.

Pressure Keeps Building

2007-07-17T18:54:00.000+08:00

Aiii......

Going to work is no longer as pleasant as it used to be. I suspect the honeymoon period is over, and its time to do some real work.

Well, I've had it really good at work so far, after finally escaping the boring old job at the Chinese sausage factory. When I first got my current job, it was considered a godsend. The work wasn't too tough, the pay was alright and best of all, I was appreciated for my work. That was a year and a half ago. As you all would have read from my last entry, I recently got promoted amid somewhat controversial circumstances. Now it has gotten worse. With my work, we perform very well as a team together, and sometimes I think that sets us up for our downfall as well. I have been very reliant on my workmates for their knowledge and had been cruising along pretty well. Don't get me wrong, I am not a lazy bastard, but I never felt the urgency to learn 2 million things at one go.

Now everything has changed. There has been some internal conflict and the other 2 team members are now looking for other jobs. Which would leave me alone to handle ALL the projects should they manage to secure other jobs and leave in a month. And I am a junior!!! Of course the management would not expect me to take on 3 persons' responsibilities, but that may be the way it has to be when there is no one else to assign the jobs to. Had a chat with the senior today and he assured me to keep on doing what I am doing, as I am doing it the best I can. Maybe I am worrying too much, but who wouldn't in a situation like this?

My mood goes up and down, up in the morning before I get to work, down when at work, and up again when I leave work....not the best way to live your life isn't it?

Then again, I think because I'm a Taurean, I worry too much! Life is all about perspective. I am living a great life here and have a fantastic partner (who I can offload my pressures to). I have to stay positive, as the job pays well. I can safely say my life is easier and better than

when I was in the army.
a soldier waking up in Iraq.
a single father who is out of work and has 2 kids to support.
a nurse who has to witness suffering around him all the time

and the list goes on.....

So why am I complaining........

Anyway, to happier things, last weekend I went out to David's place for a visit. The highlight was the archery lesson we signed for. I thought I was good, but David turned out to be the Robin Hood among the thieves.

We had a kebab lunch at Lidcombe before and then went to Ikea, where I spent the money I earned suffering at work (about $100). Bought a brand new clock which I love immensely. For dinner, we got takeaway from Eastwood, which admittedly has the best Chinese BBQ shop in Sydney (and cheap too!). I stayed over for a quiet night at their place which they just bought. The place was nice and very desperate housewifey....new, clean and very uniform.

Thanks again for your hospitality, guys.

Anti-Depressant

2007-07-13T15:17:00.000+08:00

After the very depressing last post, I hope that this post will erase all the perception that I am actually in desperate need of an anti depressant. Cos I don't want no scrubs.

It was a very sad night for quality TV last night as reality TV plunges to a new low with the Mark Phillippousis' series Age Of Love. As if the premise of it was not insulting enough (pitches young "kittens" against mature "cougars"), we had to be confronted with an average tennis player way pass his prime looking for some quick buck to supplement his skirt chasing, booze and drug filled nights. I only saw the last part of it because my reality TV addict friend David asked me to. Mark had to eliminate one of the cougars last night and what got me was, every time he asked a contestant to step down, you could almost feel that he had to read the lines "You look very beautiful tonight." And he said that every single time, the bloody same line! Get a thesaurus and a life. Betcha Delta won't be watching this.....

If you think reality TV programs on free to air channels are bad, wait till you see the ones they are screening on cable. Here are a few reality classics which makes parting with $75 per month of your money worthwhile.

Who Wants To Be A Super Hero

"Each contestant begins with an original idea for a superhero, a self-made costume and their best superhero mojo. From thousands of hopefuls, Stan Lee chooses 11 lucky finalists, who move together into a secret lair. There they begin their transformations — and their competition for the opportunity to become real-life superheroes."

DELUSIONAL

Sunset Tan

"Despite being remarkably sunny in Los Angeles, not everyone can easily get tan. That's where Sunset Tan comes in. They are one of the most go-to tanning salons out there---and celebrities agree. Along with this new show, comes a new employee, Erin. Erin grew up in a small town and isn't exactly sure if the city is where she should be, because the employees even aren't all that smart...for example the Olly twins. Sunset Tan isn't small, and their business is expanding yearly."
SLIGHTLY MORE INTERESTING THAN WATCHING MY TOENAILS GROW.

My Bare Ladies

"CHANEL ST. JAMES, KIRSTEN PRICE, SASHA KNOX and NAUTICA THORN have proven they can do Dallas, but the question is, can they do SHAKESPEARE? The four X-rated ladies attempt to make the jump to legitimate acting when they perform at the famous Garrick Theater in London."

RIDICULOUS IDEA, but was fairly interesting......

Channel Nine must be shaking in its pants now that their much over hyped "All New Aussie Drama...*twink!* is languishing in the lower regions of the ratings game.

"The most expensive Aussie drama ever made, featuring lots of outdoor scenes and filmed on a de-commissioned naval ship is set to revolutionise Australian drama forever!" Yes, it will. It will be the most expensive lesson for Channel Nine ever.....I saw the first episode and lasted 15 minutes. 3 minutes into the 2nd episode and I started flicking channels. The cast don't look comfortable in their uniforms and I heard most of the crew were suffering seasickness during filming. It shows. Yawnnnn.....

Was a bit sick today so skipped work. This bloody cold weather's been getting to me this year, I used to embrace the cold, but seemed permanently glued to the heater this year. Must be getting old.....

Supposed to go archery classes tomorrow, will see how I feel. If I do go, will have photos to post here this weekend.

Big Weekend?

2007-07-09T19:20:00.000+08:00

As age is catching up with me, I no longer go out past 12 am on weekends, and am usually home by 520pm weeknights. Last Friday though, I tried to regain some of my lost youth and decided to go out for a massive night......

Well actually, it was a farewell shindig for one of the workmates in my team, and I didn't really have a choice not to go. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind the guy, but he is not leaving under the brightest circumstances, but anyway more on that later.

So yes, we went to the casino and started having drinks at about 4:30 pm (we sneaked off work an hour earlier). Because we are not in Singapore where I would have to pay an entrance fee to go into the casino, I was already ahead by $100. So I thought, $50 for drinks and $50 for bets should get me through the night. That, I thought, would last me to about 10 pm and I would retire gracefully back home to watch cooking shows on the Lifestyle Food channel.

4am and I was still standing outside a nightclub near my home having a cigarette and chat with my other workmates. So much for retiring gracefully....It wasn't too bad, I won $30 at the pokies (I never win anything) while my workmate won $200 at the blackjack tables. So basically I only bought my first 4 drinks and all the rest were on him.

Have been quite stressed out at work over the last week, which explains why this post is not funny at all. Recently got promoted (to take over the guy quitting) and was worried that I cannot match up to his skill level. I shouldn't be, as I have proven myself in this job for a year and a half now. Moving up to the new role shouldn't be a problem for me. Dunno why, been having sleepless nights thinking about projects and stuff. Went to bed at 9 am three nights in a row last week, just so I can stop worrying about things. Doesn't help that the guy leaving has caused a few ripples and exposed some weaknesses in the chain of command in terms of the capabilities of some senior staff. Now everyone in my team is contemplating leaving, possibly leaving me to deal with all the projects (workload x 3!!!). Problem is still being resolved. Will keep you all posted.

Frustrating isn't it, when the shine and happiness of your promotion is dulled by all the drama that happens around you? I was so happy to get the promotion, because it came with a size able pay rise, but two days after the announcement, I was the most visibly stressed out person in the office.

Ai....that's life....

Hope my next post will be more cheery......

Its all so quiet.....

2007-06-30T21:21:00.000+08:00

Damn, I haven't blogged for so long now!

Did you know that Taureans are creatures of habit and get very restless when their routine is disrupted? That will be me for the next few weeks.

Matt has gone off to the States (yes, again....) and I have the whole house to myself.

Yah? Nay....

This was how I spent Thursday night, the first night Matt was away.
5:45 pm : Came home to a very cold and quiet apartment
6:00 pm : Went to the gym and had a ultra reluctant workout.
7:30 pm : Started coking dinner.
8:45 pm : Started eating dinner. Took me a whole lot longer time to cook dinner for myself because I don't have anyone waiting to have their meal.
9:10 pm : Quick shower.
9:30 pm : Flicked channels about 20 times because the TV networks were being assholes (transmitting shit).
10:30 pm : Checked email. Had 8 emails trying to sell me Viagra.
11:00 pm : Went to bed.
12:30 am : Still trying to sleep.
12:45 am : Received SMS from Matt telling me how exciting Vegas is.....
1:15 am : Semi asleep....

How exciting. And its only Day 1.

Its strange I don't realise how dependent I've become on Matt over these years. The place suddenly seems too big for me.

Alright I need to stop moping before my depression become infectious.

Had quite an ok day today, did my usual Sat grocery shopping in Chinatown. I will be embarking on a healthy diet next week because my BMI indicates that I am still overweight and need to lose a bit more weight, about 3-4 kg. The diet (which is a typical 4 meals a day diet, nothing drastic, just cuts out the fat a bit as I have been quite indulgent lately in cakes and deep fried stuff) will also help me to build some muscle from my workouts in the gym. So we'll see how it pans out over the next couple of weeks.

I have been known to latch onto well connected people, and my most recent victim is Gerald, the gym instructor mate whom I may or may not have mentioned in my previous entries. Gerald gave me 2 free tickets to watch a movie of my choice and I decided to invite Firman along for it. Nice of me, isn't it, not inviting the person who gave me the tix? Well, Gerald complained he was sick yesterday and I thought I better let him have a bit of a rest at home. See how caring I am? Watched Bridge To Terabithia (not a sequel to Bridges of Madison County). Thought it was quite ok, mostly due to the fact that I did not have any expectations for a free movie. Very close in its structure to Chronicles of Narnia. My only gripe with it was that the special effects only took up 15 minutes of the whole movie, although the trailer seemed to suggest that the whole movie would be a special effects fest...still an ok movie overall. I am officially sick of the sequels season we are currently facing at the cinemas. Pirates of The Caribbean 3, Spider Man 3, Shrek 3, Fantastic Four 2, Hostel 2 (which I will never watch).....bbbooorrrring!

Credit where its due, Gerald has been providing me with heaps of freebies in recent months. First we have the above mentioned tickets. Last week he actually got me tix to the Guns and Roses concert, but I was unable to go as Matt's parents came and stayed over at our place. They wanted to see him before he scooted over to America. I am still feeling a bit guilty about that as I almost blatantly demanded the tickets from him and when he got them, I couldn't make it....

Now this I'm excited about....am going to the Live Earth concert next week!!!! Again thanks to his goodwill. This Live Earth thingy is a series of concerts staged across the world over 24 hours (each country stages it for a few hours before passing the baton on to another country) and Sydney will be kicking it off! Basically its a concert to raise awareness of global environmental issues. Other countries involved include Japan, Shanghai, Germany, US, UK and Brazil. Should be fun. Will bring camera.

Ok better stop now. 1 am already. Should try to sleep.