The Outbreak Part 1

This happened about a month ago, but I still feel this is relevant enough for me to blog about. Everyone has had a first time, and I shall now proceed to write about mine in graphic detail. Warning, this blog entry may not be for everyone, and I shall not be responsible for any incidences of nausea, fever, malaise or watery diarrhoea while reading this.

The day started off happily enough. Woke Matt and myself up at 7:30am to prepare to cross the border into Johor Bahru, Singapore's neighbouring town, to enjoy a bit of shopping and cheap food, thanks to the fantastic exchange rate of 1 Singapore dollar to 2.20 Malaysian ringgit. As we made our way to the MRT train station, a fuzzy feeling of contentment enveloped me as I thought of the fabulous and economical overnight we were gearing ourselves up for having managed to book a 4 star hotel room for S$100 about 2 weeks before. Now for those of you who have never been to JB, its a bit like Singapore, except its development seemed to have stunted since the 80s. That said, the food and entertainment prices are also equivalent to the 80s in Singapore and coupled with the fantastic exchange rate, meant huge savings for struggling pheasants like Matt and myself. The first half of the day was pretty nice, lots of shopping, walking, eating, shopping and eating. And yes, of course there was bookshop parking by Matt as well, being the serial bookworm that he is.

As night fell, we retreated into the hotel (which was nice enough, 70% similar to the photo shopped pictures shown on their website) with a few beers to chat the night away. After about 2 beers each at about 9pm, we got bored, a bit peckish and decided to explore the nice cafe we saw on our way into the hotel. Now, this cafe was a branch of a popular chain of cafes I frequented in JB City Square, a large crowded shopping complex right next to the Malaysian Immigration border. So I thought this cafe will probably be alright. Boy, was I totally wrong!

When we entered the cafe, there were no other customers. Suddenly, from some unseen corner, 2 waitresses shot out and greeted us, leading us to our table. Matt proceeded to order a fried rice, and me, some soup noodles. Being a very greedy person that you all know I can be, I decided to order an interesting tuna sandwich, half of which was deep fried and the other half fresh.

This was when the crazy stuff started happening. As soon as we put in our order, another waitress started mopping the floor right next to us. I could have sworn the floor detergent she was using was also used as a chemical weapon for War World 2. I had to tell her to stop as it was killing both my sense of smell and my appetite. She did as told, but by then, the poisonous fumes had already maimed my nasal passages.

After 10 minutes, the same waitress who took our orders happily pranced to our table like a little pixie with our food. Under normal circumstances, I would have given her full marks for enthusiasm. But she seemed oblivious to the fact that she was carrying a bowl of hot, scalding soup which could have caused 3rd degree burns to my upper torso. I could only heave a sigh of relief when she finally placed the wobbly bowl down on the table (without spilling a drop too, she is truly professional at this). As she turned around to welcome another unsuspecting couple into the cafe, I noticed something which horrified me....

SHE HAD NO SHOES ON!!!!

Aside from breaking all hygiene codes, she could also be endangering herself and her customers by

1. stepping on broken glass shards while walking into the kitchen to bring out orders.
2. slipping on remnants of World War 2 chemical weapons left over on the floor and spilling hot soup onto her customer's upper torso.
3. getting stepped on her toes by other customers and spilling hot soup onto her customer's upper torso.
4. increasing the lethality of the World War 2 chemical weapon through combination of the secretions off the soles of her bare feet.

I looked at Matt, he shot a look back at me and we gave each other a "lets get the hell hell out of here" look. That was when I realised that my tuna sandwich had not yet arrived. I then made the fatal mistake of asking about the order. Miss Barefoot then went into the kitchen with the grumpiest face and reappeared 3 minutes later.

To be continued.......