Final Weeks

Hard to believe I've been off work for four days now.

Hard to believe I just had my last corporate Christmas party in Australia last Wednesday.

Hard to believe I'll be gone in a couple of weeks.

As you have expected, my emotions have been a roller coaster in the last few days. Most of you would probably believe that I have been adapting well to my new found freedom, being a man of leisure and all...well you should try packing up a home with more than 5 years worth of memorabilia! I am sure I must have at least thrown away 30-40kg of rubbish accumulated over the years. Most of you who've been to our unit must agree its a very small unit, and where could we have possibly stowed so much rubbish away, well, I just found out didn't I?

My stress levels are directly proportionate to the accumulated chaos in the living room, and as I threw away more stuff, I became more and more relaxed, only to open another door or cabinet and be confronted by more stress....and I thought working was stressful, you must really try packing....

Other than that, I am confronted with the prospect of leaving my loved ones (and enemies I've grown to love), the familiarity, the weather, the freedom of being the only two people in the house etc..etc...

Have I made the right choice?

Is the grass always greener, only to be tainted by the same shit?

No one knows...all I know is that I'll be on a plane out of here soon, and I don't really know how I feel about it.

Yeah sure I'm looking forward to a fantastic farewell party this Saturday. Not that I'm blowing wind up my own skirt [that's a strange expression isn't it?], parties organised by Matt and myself are usually hot ticket property. But the party brings me closer to the departure date, and sometimes I think I will not fully appreciate what I have here until I move somewhere else. Don't get me wrong, I am going back to a great job, cheap food and cheap housing (courtesy of landlord mum). But am I glossing over the impact this might have on my friendships and relationship?

Matt's feeling the same too, except our timings are really in sync so we both never really feel down at the same time. Notice in my last post I was still quite cheerful with the prospect of Matt moving to a great place, a small move up in his career and being in the same time zone meant we can communicate more easily. But as the Christmas season draws closer, I somehow feel slightly responsible for tearing him away from his family.

Matt's probably gonna get a little peeved with me saying what I've just said, as we have spoken about this before that I cannot physically make him do something he does not want to, and he's only really moving because he wants to do something different (and get away from Sydney, but that's another issue). But you know Taureans (and both of us are) cannot help feeling uneasy with impending security threats, not just with financial security, but also emotional security.

Things will work out, they always seem to for us (touch wood). As for now, I will need to resolve my insecurities and move on, like Matt has. He's already booked his holiday for Chinese New Year, two grand weeks after he starts on his new job!

Will post some stuff from the party if I feel like it. Geez, I'm such a downer. I hope I brightened up your day.

Btw, my work Christmas party went really well, I was using it as an opportunity to say goodbye to all the people I worked with, and had an unexpected surprise when 3 senior management came up and congratulated me on 3 separate occasions, offering me my job back if circumstances changes. I was grateful for that and took that as a testament to my work there, but there had to be somebody who is always so negative, saying to me "Yeah, that's management 101!" (meaning they had to say it to me to make me happy, they don't really mean it) Makes me sort of glad that I am leaving all the negativity behind and starting fresh.