Spring Cleaning (During Winter)

As I am typing this blog now, mum should be checking in at Changi Airport!

Yes, mum is visiting her wayward son who chose to work in Sydney instead of Singapore, for the next 10 days. Matt and I are both really excited.

And then we realised we had a problem.

The house wasn't clean enough. Well, no house is ever clean enough for a visiting mother, but we felt the current state of the apartment just wasn't right for a visiting relative. Plus she is bringing her friend, who is also a mother, and that doesn't bode well for us. In fact, I feel like I'm about to become a star of one of those reality TV show where two expert cleaning ladies come into your house to tear it to pieces.

So since last week, me and Matt set out to clean the joint up to make it resemble the hotel that it used to be. Thank God we already have peripherals to make it look cosy, thanks to Keith's birthday present of 2 bedside lamps. Amazing lamps these are, no switches on them, you touch them to turn them off and on!

And so we started. First Matt attacked the toilet, while I scanned every inch of the kitchen to target my Spray and Wipe at. I must admit Matt is more of an expert cleaner than I am. All you need is to give him half an hour, he will have the toilet so sparkling clean and bright, you'd need sunglasses to take a pee. Me, half an hour later, am still deciding whether the white plates look better next to the brown cups or hidden in the third shelf to the left.

2 bottles of disinfectant and 5 bags of rubbish later, I must say we are mighty impressed with the results we've got.

Come over and have a look when you can. We are damn proud of our work!

And yes, I will a tourist impersonator in the Gold Coast until Wednesday night with mumsy and friend so don't expect much blogging. I do suspect there will be photos galore when I'm back though.....

Stay tuned.....

Marry Me, Mon Ami!

Something surreal happened to me this week.

My ex-boss at the sausage factory recommended me to train the workers at his friend's food factory and I accepted the job. It was good money, about $700 over 2 days, 3 hour sessions. That averages to about $100 per hour. Now, this factory is a family run business, and the training went pretty smoothly....until the Boss's wife found out that I am "single", i.e. not married.

"MARTYN, YOU ARE SINGLE??!!"

Then it began. I was cornered and harassed by the wife about

1. my interests (Kylie, Madonna, Cher)
2. what type of girls I like (ones with heavy makeup and wigs)
3. my family history (descendant of the seventh Emperor of China)
4. my educational level (strange they didn't ask me that before allowing me to train their workers)

The bombshell was then dropped.

"I must introduce you to my daaaughterrrr!!!!"

I almost choked on my tea.

And boy, she was PERSISTENT!

FOUR times throughout the six hours I spent with her, she was telling me about her daughter's life story. How the daughter had worked in the family business her whole life, and recently decided to go work outside to meet more men (huh??!!! Haven't they heard of Adult Matchmaker.com.au?). Her daughter is apparently shy and like Asians (opps, wrong race for me!). Her younger daughter (who is married) has been teasing her older sister and asking her to go out and look for a husband (if she was my sister, she would have a very sore face).

What is it with Chinese Indonesian families? I've had a few Indonesian friends who've told me this is the norm in their culture. When a girl passes her marrying age (mid 20s I think), everyone starts chipping in to find her a husband, akin to the specials COLES offer for their meat two days prior to their Use by Date. I felt like I've been transported back in the 1940s, where the parents arrange your wedding and where you actually fuck on your first date (which coincidentally is also your wedding night). Even the workers I was training got in on the act, nudging my shoulders while singing praises of how beautiful the daughter was (you could tell who the ass kissers were in the group).

Even if I was physically able to marry this girl, I wouldn't even contemplate touching the idea with a ten foot pole. Firstly, I've had enough of family businesses, having survived one for four years. Secondly, this family is really traditional, where the patriarch of the family makes all the decisions. I realised this when I had a meeting with the board prior to my training, where everyone had brilliant ideas about what should be taught, but always ended the idea with the statement "Of course, only if Anton (the boss) agrees" Can you imagine me running to my father in law everyday to seek approval for the most mundane decisions, like what type of toilet paper to order? Oh yes, did I mention that the women rarely spoke during the meetings? They made good teas and coffees though.

So you can understand my relief when I finally finished the training and was ready to pack up and go. During the exit meeting with the boss's wife, she made this proposal.

"Martyn, regarding the payment, we can pay you by cash or cheque. Since you live in the city, maybe I can meet you and pass you the money somewhere convenient for you."

That was nice, I thought...cash would be good....

Then came the catch.

"I will bring my daughter then maybe you can go for lunch or dinner with her. Only if you like."

I immediately scribbled down my bank account number and explained to her the benefits of Internet banking.

A Virgin To The Left

Ok ok, Miss Chio, I admit this is plagarism!

Isn't it nice to know to know that I am living with a boy who looks 73% like Beyonce! He can ask me to pack my clothes to the left of my closet anytime! And, surprise suprise, he even looks quite Asian, half Jap half Chinese?

Ok, so Matt is an Aussie with a body like Jessica Alba, has a voice like Beyonce, is sweet like Meg Ryan, can shake it like Eva Mendes, am popular amongst the tweenies like Hillary Duff, and has the old time sensibility of Deborah Kerr...

What more can I ask for?!!!!

And living with Matt is moi who has the versatility of Madonna, the acting chops of Jennifer Connelley, the sweetness of Mandy Moore, the tenacity of Sharon Osbourne, the plump lips of Goldie Hawn, the cuteness (and thiness) of Mary Kate, the inheritance of Nicky Hilton and the everglow of Grace Kelley....

I always knew we were celebrities somehow......

Escape from the Big Smoke

That's what Matt's mum Carol calls the city. The big smoke. Back where they live (in semi rural Richmond), the air is definitely a lot cleaner and fresher.

Last weekend, Matt, me, Carol and Matt's dad Barry decided to run away to the Central Coast for a big adventure. For me, it was pretty exciting to go up to the Coast as I've heard so much about from their trips their. Barry has some family there and spent much of his childhood up there, so it was a somewhat nostalgic trip for him. It was great to hear stories about their lives then back in the 60s before the invention of the Internet and IPODs, how the kids back then kept themselves occupied embracing nature (namely surfing, scuba diving, having bonfires and scaling hills).

I can definitely connect with that because when I was growing up, although we never really had lots of toys to play with, me, my brothers and cousins certainly had heaps of fun playing classic kiddie games like hopscotch, hide and seek and police & thief. I feel thats what's missing from a lot of kids' lives nowadays, where they need the latest version of Playstations to play the latest games. Back in our days, you would be the King (or Queen) of the street if you owned an Atari playset. Otherwise, you just have to invent your own games.

Alrighty, before I carry on into the sunset, lets talk about the trip again. I never thought I could have so much fun with "adults", or as Carol calls it, a couple of "juvenile delinquents". Speaking of Carol, she cracks me up so much! She speaks 60s to a tee, and like she said, after the trip, I would have learnt a new language just listening to her speak. Like when we were down at the spa and she got a bit of a shock when she saw a suspicious black patch on spa floor (which was actually a metal filter cover), she exclaimed "Whats that WOE-BE-GONE on the floor!" and that had me laughing so hard, I was in tears. She also mentioned "Higgetty Piggetty" but I can't remember what context she used it in. Heaps others, but I can't remember. I'll be sure to bring a notebook next time I go over to stay at their place in Richmond.

The placed we stayed at was rated a motel, but it looked more like a quaint little hotel, with 3 bars, an underground night club, 2 restaurants (which served massive amounts of food for a small price) and overall great service. It was so relaxing having a chat and wine with them in the room with one of the best views I've ever seen. Just what I needed after a hectic work week.

We are already planning for the next one to Coffs Harbour!

Check out the photos in the meantime.

Matt on the pier with Barry

Antique market

Hotel pool and spa!

View from our room balcony

Funny Carol!

End of the pier

Hotel lakeside bench (where you can have your picnics)

Contented Marty.......

Hairpi Burfdey To Me!!!

Its my birthday and I can do whatever I want.....

I demanded a birthday barbeque in Centennial Park and I got it.

I wanted to prepare the meats and cook them and I got my wish (nobody complained)

I wanted a low key celebration, no birthday song and just friends gathering around for a nice day in the park and I got it.

I am happy......

Now for my Oscar speech......

Nelson : Thanks for dropping by and your lovely present warms my heart. You know I love doing things in the dark.

David and Lily : Thanks for your lucky bamboo. Just like the bamboo, you know I could never stay straight. I'm lucky to have friends like you, even luckier to have a place to crash next time I go to the Acer Arena for concerts.

Firman : Terima kasih begitu banyak untuk selada buah-buahan anda. Anda adalah anjing betina yang paling baik bahwa saya pernah tahu. Maaf, sebaiknya paling baik sundal.

Keith and Simon : Thanks for being the back up transport system as well as Scruffy buddies. Now that we've spent a lovely day out in the open, maybe both of yous should do something like this one day on your own? Sometimes, there's nothing better than spending time alone doing nothing.

Gerald : Thanks for coming and bringing the chips! How about bringing the biggest chip that you have hiding in Potts Point next time?

Sharon : Thanks for calling me 3000 times during the day to ask me if I needed anything from Eastgardens. Just by hanging around you the last few months, I've noticed that much of your good qualities have rubbed off on me, namely your desire to be black and bossiness. Your holy guacamole was a pure and unadulterated orgasm.

WeiWeh and John : Thanks for your towels. I will have fun rubbing myself in it. And you are right, fuschia pink really brings out my tan. I had the leftover strudel 2 nights ago and it was very nice!!!! Especially when you don't have to bake it yourself......

Pamela and Tuan : My sister and her dancing partner, even if it means I have to kill you for it, I will wrestle the potato salad recipe off you one day, Pamela Wong. Before you came along, I was known as the potato salad king. Now you've come along and knocked me right off my pole position. It was lovely, still savouring the dill weed between my teeth......

John : Thanks for taking time off from being a footwear sales executive to come to our celebrations.

And last but not least.....

Matthew Wong, thanks for being who you are and for retaining your individualism. I liken me and you to 2 strings on a guitar. We can vibrate and quiver indivdually, yet when we do it in sync, beautiful sounds are created.

HAIRPI BURFDEY TO YOU, MATTY!

I HAVE A DREAM.......

I had a funny dream 2 nights ago. I dreamt that someone went to the Pharmacy Nutrition Warehouse on 530 Botany Road, ROSEBERY before Green Square train station Tel : 93194181 and bought me a Loreal Men Expert Anti-aging Skincare combo set valued at $19.95 and a large bottle of 400 Bloom's Omega 3 fish oil capsules valued at $18.99. Can’t remember what the occasion was, but I was so ecstatic and was screaming out for joy. That was when I woke up and realized it was a dream……….

Sigh………